(On Da) Strempf!

TGIF Fun! (Why R. Kelly Was Acquitted)

2008-06-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

R. Kelly was acquitted today of all counts against him in his child porn case. Not having seen the tape in question, although I am surely in the minority, I was surprised he got off. I did see a bunch of other clips of his other alleged "escapades" including one where he directed a girl to pee for him (Hot!).

Anyway, it reminded me of an episode of the great Adult Swim cartoon (based on the comic strip) "The Boondocks". They did a REALLY funny episode about R. Kelly's Trial a few years back and I could not help but giggle about it again today. I did find one of my favorite clips from the episode and have added it here for your TGIF Fun! It gives some solid reasons why he was acquitted. "I see piss coming, I MOVE!" Ha Ha! Enjoy!

TGIF Fun! (Found Audio: The Jeff Stryker Party Line)

2008-05-09T13:47:00.002-07:00

I recorded today's TGIF Fun! years ago when it would air late nights on the Leased Access channel on cable. Leased Access (does it still exist?) was where losers would PAY to have there "shows" or infomercials air on the channel. Most of it was dumb phone sex lines and really bad shows (about sex). But nothing beats the KING of all phone sex line commercials than Jeff Stryker's Party Line.

Jeff Stryker was a primarily gay porn star from the 80's and 90's known for his Big Unit (no, not Randy Johnson - wait that still sounds like a porn star...). His half hour commercial for this phone sex line was HI-larious. I only have some snippets but you will get the gist of it. The video is priceless (I wish I had it!) but I will assist your imagination for one part. When you hear him describe the occupations you can meet on his line, imagine each of them on a stage with spotlights on them dancing in costume. Priceless! Enjoy!

TGIF Fun! (For Reals Lettuce)

2008-05-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

Here is a quick, fun TGIF Fun for you today. You need to understand what For Reals Lettuce is! I am edumacatin' y'all. (As told by Greg Gory from the Woody Show on Live 105 FM in San Francisco). Enjoy!

TGIF Fun! (Cut Chemist Suite)

2007-11-30T13:58:00.000-08:00

My sister told me she is seeing Ozomatli (great band themselves) tonight at the Fillmore and she mentioned that Cut Chemist and Charli 2Na from Jurassic 5 are the opening act. Sweet! It reminded of this great song I have twango'ed below called, Cut Chemist Suite that I found on a surprisingly good MTV compilation years ago (Masters of the 1 & 2). In honor of my sis, here you all go! Enjoy!

TGIF Fun! (Artie Biggie Redux)

2007-10-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

Here is a longer version of Artie Lange doing Notorious BIG's "Gimme Da Loot". This was performed earlier this week and he gets through the whole first verse. Enjoy!

TGIF Fun! (Found Audio: The Great Phil Hartman)

2007-10-19T12:00:00.001-07:00

I have been digging through old audio tapes to find a choice clip for my friend Will - it is not family friendly so I will not go into further detail - but I came across a great clip I taped from SNL. It is the Great Phil Hartman doing a commercial parody of Telly Savalas' Player's Club. Some of you may remember back in the day, Telly "Kojak" Savalas, used to promote the "club" to give you the best information and special offers to learn and win casino games. Woo Hoo! Sign me up!

But seriously, Phil does a hilarious parody and in full bald makeup no less. I just have the audio but it is just as funny, if not funnier, than the video. Sigh, I miss Phil Hartman on SNL...

Take a listen and enjoy!

Blogged with Flock

Artie Lange Does Notorious BIG

2007-10-08T12:02:00.000-07:00

It's Daniel, Bitch!

Yes, it has been a LONG time since I have last posted. I am just a bit frazzled lately. I am moving out of my place, our company is moving locations, I am constantly on conference calls, I am packing late at night...Argh! Anyway, once I am settled in a new place I will try to start posting regularly.

A quick post today because this was just TOO funny. I am big fan of Artie Lange from the Howard Stern Radio Show on Sirius Radio and he did it again on the air today. Apparently they are casting for a movie on the life of Biggie "Notorious BIG" Smalls. Artie actually had one of Biggie's songs memorized and what ensues was quite a surprise! He is actually pretty good. Even if you think Artie is terrible, it is at least very funny!

Listen up and I WILL be back! Peace, Y'all!

Randy Messenger Hates Carts, Lance Niekro is a Knuckleballer and Rajai Davis Rules

2007-08-21T10:22:00.000-07:00

Happy days are (probably briefly) here again because the Giants have won 5 in a row. It is nice to see any ray of hope from the team before the season is over. Bonds is very rested and is ready to, hopefully, feast on the Cubs pitching. Either way, I am sure Lou Pinella and Ned Yost are a little nervous. Why? Because the Giants play both of them back to back this week! Woo Hoo! We are a streaking last place team with absolutely nothing to lose and the Cubs and Brewers are battling each other to win the Central division. We could have a serious effect on this race so at least this will add a little more excitement to the games the rest of the week. Maybe it is just me.

Anyway, Thursday's game looks awesome. Carlos Zambrano vs Matt Cain. Nice! Zambrano is $91.5 million bucks richer and will make his first full start since signing the new contract since Sunday's Cubs/Cardinals game was rained out. I find it funny that the Cubs had to pay Zambrano an average of 300K more per year than Zito to placate his ego. Not to mention, the Cubs gave in to everything Zambrano wanted in the deal. Ouch! Hopefully, the Cubs at least got a "no punching your teammates" clause. Sorry, I know; Too easy. One thing is for sure, every owner in baseball is throwing darts at Giants' Brian Sabean's and Cubs' GM Jim Hendry's pictures because of those contracts. At least Hendry can enjoy the fact that he has a competitive team this year.

As for the Giants, I am not going to celebrate and say we have officially turned a corner. It is just nice to see us finally winning. A big reason we are winning (or at least fun to watch) is Rajai Davis. The kid is exciting and fast and has been logging important "Web Gems" in the field. I know it has only been 20 games or so, but c'mon, let me hold on to something positive this crappy season! I once again have to credit Sabean and maybe more importantly his scouts. They got us a real top of the order difference maker for essentially peanuts. Enjoy my praise now Sabaen and pals - the acclaim will last as long as it takes for the first person to comment below.

I also found it fascinating last week that Lance Niekro announced he is switching to pitching. Lance, obviously comes from the royal Niekro bloodline and like his dad Joe and his uncle Phil has decided to become a knuckleballer. Not a bad idea! A Reverse Ankiel. (Sounds like a classic Olympic dive doesn't it?) But seriously, I would imagine based on his family's tutelage that his knuckleball has got to be good. Either way, it can't be any worse that his hitting. I am optimistic.
Unfortunately, we will probably have to trade for Doug Mirabelli since he is the only guy who can properly catch a knuckleball.

Lastly, I always love stories where guys punch or kick something and land on the DL. Randy Messenger is the big winner this week because he took his anger out on a equipment cart after giving up a game winning hit in Atlanta. I admire him for coming clean - Jeff "I hurt myself washing my car but I was really riding a motorcycle at high speed" Kent, are you listening? - but it is so weird to me that an athlete would do something like this that could jeopardize his career.
Stress release equipment in the clubhouse will be a must from now on. A nice speed bag, a masseuse or maybe a nice cup of green tea after a tough loss might make a big difference. The teams can certainly afford it. I pay $6 for fries at AT&T Park, for christsakes.

Found: What To Make of Broken IPod Nano

2007-08-20T11:12:00.000-07:00

So I was dropping off my daughter at my mom's house last week for daycare (I know I am VERY lucky! My mom rules!) and I stumbled upon this broken IPod Nano on the street. It is damaged beyond repair (Am I wrong? Take a look at it!) and I found it odd that someone just left it there. Of course, the first thing that came to mind is that maybe it was stolen and tossed away, but that doesn't make sense. It is a the 8GB model and it runs $250 bucks. Why would someone steal it and dump it? I would put on EBay in 2 seconds! I mean, I would take it to the authorities ASAP. Ahem.

I know what you are thinking, "Who gives a s**t?!". Maybe you are right but for some strange reason it made me ponder. It is hard to imagine how easy it seemed for someone to walk away from it. If you dropped and/or broke your IPod, wouldn't you take it with you, maybe hope that it could be fixed (okay, a BIG stretch) and throw it in the garbage? I keep thinking in my head that it was a teen who dropped it there. I just think an adult who works hard to earn his/her money wouldn't find it so easy to just abandon it on the street.

I know we have far greater problems in the world, but I guess it just seems too easy in our society to throw away money on luxuries and then so quickly discard them when they wish. Look I understand this is a just a stupid gadget but it is more the act of leaving it, let alone caring for it, that bothers me. All I know is when I drop my cell phone I curse like a sailor and kiss it when I am sure it was unharmed. Weird? Well we will delve into that in another post.

But seriously, aren't we a bit too wasteful? Cell phones seem to change twice a year (or more) for some folks and I see a new computer monitor/CPU on the street every week. All right. Maybe I am crazy. The explanation is probably much simpler. Possibly a person dropped it exiting their vehicle and another car parked and rolled over it. (My mom's neighborhood is a known Bart rider parking area). Maybe its owner did agonize over his/her loss. And more likely it was just a kid who didn't want to admit to his parents that he/she broke their $250 music player. All understandable.

But in the end, I wonder if it was so easy to let go because the person figured they could get the newest or latest version of the product as well. I can just see the person who deserted the Nano saying, "This sucks but now I can get the IPhone!". To some (or maybe most) it might be. If we can so easily drop $250 when something breaks, what does that say about our lifestyle and wealth. I don't know. It just doesn't seem right.

Go ahead and flame me in the comments if you wish. Sorry if I happen to care about things. Waaa!

Props to Mike's List

2007-08-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday! First off, I wanted to thank Mike Elgan from Mike's List and The Raw Feed Blog for mentioning me in his most recent newsletter. I got quite a few hits the last few days and it is nice to know that not just my best friends and family are reading my dumb opinions. Hey, we are bringing technology nerds together! Well the picture is a stretch, but hey, I am just illustrating a point - leave me alone.

For those who don't know, Mike Elgan is a well traveled technology writer who columns appear in Computerworld and Datamation. He has been doing (and I have been subscribing to) his Mike's List technology newsletter for so long that I couldn't tell you when it started. It and now his blog, The Raw Feed, have been a regular part of my online routine for many years. Where else can you learn that clothing made in China can possibly give you Cancer(!) or that the IPhone keyboard has been (albeit poorly) tested to suck ass. I already told you that I thought the keyboard was horrible, now I have unproven data to back me up! Woo Hoo! Anyway, what are you waiting for?! Check out Mike's stuff!

Thanks Mike! Hopefully some of you Mike's List peeps will give me a chance. C'mon, I can't be any worse than Rosie O'Donnell's Blog, right? No? Sigh.

TGIF Fun! (Business Time with Flight of the Conchords)

2007-08-17T12:33:00.000-07:00

I am a big fan of all things HBO - well except John From Cincinnati (What was up with that?) - and they have another winner on their hands with Flight of the Conchords. I had to warm up to it at first, but it didn't take long to reel me in. The show is about 2 guys from New Zealand looking for novelty (ha!) musical success in America. Their music is all over the map in style. Sometimes old school R&B, Hip Hop, disco and folk. While the songs are funny, the videos they make to accompany them are just as hilarious. The show follows Entourage so it has become a great hour or comedy on Sunday nights.

BTW, for those that care or remember, the show also features Arj Barker as one of Conchords' American friends. Arj was a Bay Area comedian who I saw many times at the Punchline a few years back. I also heard him as a regular guest on the Alex Bennett Radio show back in the day. He was just beginning his career at the time and now has been on Letterman, Conan and the Tonight Show. Not bad. He apparently spends most of his time in Australia which is where I assume he must have met the Conchords. Anyway, I am happy to see him doing so well. Bay Area pride, baby!

So, here is one of my favorite clips (and song!) from the show, Business Time. SO funny. It is a bit NSFW and you will draw some attention because you are laughing so loudly in your cubicle - but trust me, it will be worth it! Enjoy!

Dick Cheney Audio Clip from the Howard Stern Radio Show

2007-08-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

As you have no doubt heard, Karl Rove has decided to leave the White House by the end of the month but I am sure we all feel it is bittersweet. The damage has long been done by these a**holes. While they briefly discussed this on the Howard Stern Radio Show today, more interestingly, they played a great clip of Dick Cheney from back in the Bush Sr. Desert Storm Era where he discusses Iraq. It just further proves what a despicable prick Cheney is.

I will let you be disgusted by the clip yourselves, but in short - he says that going into Baghdad would be a "quagmire" and it would essentially be a "US Occupation", discussed the dangers of taking down the Iraqi Govt and that in the end, the loss of lives wouldn't be worth it. Argh! How someone can live with this on their conscience is beyond me.

Anyway, before I lose my mind any further, here is the clip:

Big Trade For SF (Not!) But It's A Move In The Right Direction

2007-08-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard already, the Giants and the Hated Dodgers completed a minor trade last night that probably made the majority of baseball yawn. SF traded pinch hitter extraordinaire, Mark Sweeney to LA for the famous player to be named later or cash considerations. Cash Considerations sounds so pitiful, doesn't it? Almost like he was exchanged on the "Barter" section on Craigslist. Anyway, while I do not like that we made a trade within our division (normally something that is frowned upon because it improves your direct competition) and worse, with the damn Dodgers, I am really happy with the move. Mark Sweeney is a great guy and even better pinch hitter, but what do we need him for? We are in last place with no hope to win the division. So we will fall deeper into last place...Big Deal.

The good news is that this signals exactly what I was hoping for after 756 has now come and gone: Giants management will start focusing on fixing the team and hopefully give some of our young guys a chance. In this case it is Dan Ortmeier. He has been languishing in the minors most of the season while Sweeney and sadly, Dave Roberts takes away his playing time. Freddy Lewis must be pissed! He was sent down to AAA to make room for reliever Scott Atchison earlier this week, but Ortmeier is as flexible as Sweeney since he can play 1st base as well as the outfield. I bet Freddy is buying a catcher's glove to get an edge on everyone else in the minors right now. "I can be the bullpen catcher and pinch run for Bonds, Skip!" Hee Hee. Don't worry, Fred, I think Dave Roberts is injured...AGAIN.

Meanwhile, speaking of trades, the Morris deal is looking better and better. Rajai Davis legitimately looks like the fastest player the Giants have had in years. It drives me crazy when they say that about almost every player they pick up and they turn out to run like Rich Aurilia. I use the term "run" loosely in reference to Richie since he actually can't run. It is more like a gentle saunter. Seriously, Rajai had 3 hits yesterday, stole 2 bases and scored our only run. Very nice. Too bad his strong performance was wasted by our sucky offense. Sigh.

Coincidentally, Matt Morris is the starting pitcher in tonight's game against the Pirates. I assume he will do his best to beat us and impress his new team since he sucked the big one in his first start for Pittsburgh earlier this week. Also, I will be there! I mean, c'mon? Who doesn't want to watch Matt Morris face Russ Ortiz! I can't wait to watch these 2 powerhouse teams battle it out to prove who is the better last place team. Being a Giants fan, of course, I feel we are the best, worst team but I am biased.

Okay, enough beating up the team. I am actually happy that we appear to be moving in the right direction for once. And I would attend baseball games no matter what because I love baseball, regardless that we are in last place. I just prefer to have something to cheer for...like a win. Now if we can can dump some of our dead weight in the bullpen, we might be able to get something going. 4th place looks out of reach and a .500 record might be a stretch, but maybe we can strive for something this season. What that is I don't know. But I will think of something! Hmmmm.

P.S. I searched for a photo of Mark Sweeney and I found the guy above. Obviously, it is a common name. He is a Quaternary Geologist. Whatever that is. But I am sure he can do some creative things with a rock. Don't test him!

756! All Of Us Missed It...Except Some Guy Named Michael

2007-08-08T09:57:00.000-07:00

Well, what is normally a happy occasion has turned a bit bittersweet. Why? Because we all missed it! I offered my tickets to EVERYONE and...my sister turned them down, my other sister got the message late and my brother got the message late and couldn't find a companion. My wife and I? We planned on going but we cannot sit in our existing seats, which are amazing, but too close to the field and cramped for a small child. Bowing out was a bad idea, but we are committed to caring for our little daughter more than attending the baseball games these days. No, seriously. Fine go ahead and laugh.

I am not as bummed as I thought I would be. Why again? Because I have seen every other milestone homerun in Barry Bond's career: 500, 521, 600, 660 and 700, I think. Not bad, huh? How can I complain? Well, this is THE big one, but you know, we cannot be at every game. And no matter how you try to guess these things, you might be wrong and have to sit through a crappy game. So buck up, guys. It could be worse. Okay, maybe not, but try to tell yourselves that to get through the pain. Ouch!

The big moment did look electric. I am very pleased that Hank Aaron showed what a great man he is by sending in a videotaped message of congratulations and support. It really made the moment much more special. I was also genuinely touched by Bonds dedication to his father in his speech. It was very nice. And lastly, Selig is still a dick in my opinion, but I am happy he called Bonds and gave him his congratulations. I still hate you, Selig. But you did the right thing, even if it was under duress.

However, in the end, I am REALLY pissed that the Giants lost the game. I mean, we were in line to win the damn game and the bullpen gives it away AGAIN! Way to ruin a great game guys! I am happy 756 is over for one big reason: the team and Giants management can now focus on the most important thing: fixing the team and actually winning games. My tickets are essentially worthless now so I won't be able to give them away for the rest of the season. So they better start making some changes fast if I have to sit there and watch these games with a bunch of empty seats around me. I am not watching Vinnie Chulk one more day, dammit!

Also, I am here to say to my family and friends: I AM SORRY ABOUT THE TICKETS. I wish I could give everyone 3 days notice but it just doesn't always work out that way. So I apologize that none of us were there. We still have each other right? Not helping? Sigh.

I know there is one really happy person today and he is in my office. Michael, the company bookkeeper, was the lucky recipient of my seats. Congrats, Mike. You owe me BIG, pal! And to make you even sadder, Mike was nice enough to take video of the big moment from the seats. The video is cool, but watch and cry if you'd like. I didn't, but I know some of you out there will. Yes, I am talking to you, Ronnie. Step down from the ledge again; The world is a better place with you in it.

Enjoy. (And turn down the volume on your computer. It was LOUD there!)

756 barry bonds!

Weekend Sweep, but Bonds Still Fills the Seats

2007-08-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

Happy Monday! Well, the Giants bullpen showed what it was worth this weekend didn't it? Yuck! It is so sad, because they all seem like good guys who are trying hard to keep us in games but damn, they just aren't good enough. They basically gave away every game, although it is getting harder to blame them when they have to work so often:

Lowry's premature exit again taxed the Giants' bullpen, which worked overtime as the team posted a 2-4 record on its six-game trip. In those six games, Bochy twice used three relievers, once summoned four relievers and three times called upon five relievers. Left-hander Steve Kline has appeared in seven consecutive games. Vinnie Chulk (4-3), who worked in four of the trip's final five games, allowed a pair of sixth-inning runs that broke a 2-2 tie, although he was victimized by sloppy defense.

The Official Site of The San Francisco Giants: News: San Francisco Giants News

This still doesn't excuse Vinnie Chulk from being sucky. He is the weakest pitcher in the pen and should REALLY be released ASAP. A rookie could do a better job and could use the experience. It is not like a rookie would be under any serious pressure; Our games are not important (except for the team we are playing) maybe and we are in last place. How could it get any worse?

Meanwhile, and most importantly in most people's minds these days, Barry Bonds hit homerun #755 to tie Hank Aaron this weekend. It was very nice to see the Padres fans applaud and appreciate the achievement. This is how most baseball fans really feel I believe, despite their personal feelings on Bonds' himself. It is hard to question that he is a great baseball player but his personality just makes it so hard to like him. Years from now he may realize that.

And that brings us to the BIG number everyone has been waiting for: 756! The fans are trying to predict which game to attend to see it happen, but one thing is for sure, tonight's game would be emptier than a Royals vs Devil Rays matchup if it weren't for Bonds. In fact, it is essentially a Royals/Devil Rays matchup since we are BOTH last place teams. Ouch!

The people that will be sad to see 756 come and go will be the Giants management. Peter Magowan and Larry Baer will see ticket sales and attendance shrink - how much remains to be seen. Bonds will still be a draw, but they will sell less $10 garlic fries and $20 beers. I actually prefer the smaller crowds since it is mostly hardcore baseball fans, but I know it scares those execs sh*tless. Rebuilding the organization is a tough (and necessary) thing and requires time and commitment. Giants mgmt are very afraid of it. They know that a winning team (or Bonds as its equivalent this season) makes it easier for fans to attend and spend money. And as beautiful a ballpark as AT&T Park is, the newness is wearing off. You gotta have a decent team. Currently, we do not.

Hopefully, the team will understand that while we all love Bonds and his career stats, most of us will stick by them regardless of how long the development takes. I mean, I am dragging my wife and daughter to watch Vinnie Chulk pitch! If that doesn't show commitment to a team, I don't know what does!

Peter and Larry, 756 or not, I will be there. But PLEASE for the love of God, lower the food prices! You guys are REALLY scaring off the fans more with the price of a sausage than being a sucky team. I'm serious! Make it happen!

TGIF Fun! #2 (Dora and Boots Are Killing My Inner Child)

2007-08-03T15:00:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I have been held captive by my daughter's obsession with Dora the Explorer. I am sure there are a bunch of parents out there that understand what I mean. The show is mind-numbingly boring but very cute for little ones. I understand why she loves it so much but I get tired of watching it 4 or 5 times in a row. Ugh! I know what you are thinking, "You are the Parents! Just say No or watch something else like Sesame Street." Yes, you are right, but she loves it and we don't mind giving her this request. Unnecessary sweets, playing with the oven, juggling knives, No. Watching this weird Latina kid that hangs around with a monkey with red boots, okay fine. As long as I do not have to answer along to their dumb questions. Sadly we do anyway...

So for our adult enjoyment, I have pulled this clip from SNL that PERFECTLY satirizes the Dora cartoon. It was done by the genius that is Robert Smigel during a TV Funhouse skit. Enjoy Maraka and have a great weekend! Woo Hoo!

TGIF Fun! (So Glad Its Friday That I Wanna Dance!)

2007-08-03T14:40:00.000-07:00

It feels like it has been a longer week than usual that I have been looking forward to this weekend like nobody's business. (What an odd metaphor that is, huh?) Anyway, to get us rolling and dancing properly I have chosen one of my favorite clips from Scrubs. Turk is Da Sh*t and this proves it. Enjoy and please dance along. I know you can do it!

Rick's IPhone Review! 20 Years Later...

2007-08-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

So, FINALLY, Here is my friend Rick's IPhone review. It is totally my fault since he sent it to me last month! Sorry again, Rick! For those that do not know him, Rick is an IT guy with a proven history and knowledge of trying, testing and throwing the majority of his money into the coolest and funnest gadgets on the market. His house looks like Doc Brown's house in Back to the Future. Equipment is scattered everywhere and plugged into something that is plugged into something else. In fact, I think he owns a Flux Capacitor! Anyway, I was also able to get my hands on an IPhone at the Apple store and I will add my stupid comments in Red if I have any. Without further ado, take it away, Rick!:

Let's talk about the iPhone......

The wait in line--Yes, I waited in line at 5am for a phone that was going on sale at the Apple store at 6pm. It was a little nuts, but I also have waited in line to see Star Wars, Episode I, II, and III. It must be some sort of disorder for me. In my defense, I am never alone in these pursuits, so I have a few other people, who have also "drunk the Kool-aid".

-Mmmm...Kool-Aid

Activation--ohhhh the activation-- Only after 36hrs did someone actually make an effort to get my Sim and IMEI information to try to activate the phone. This iPhone craziness brought significant customers and retained existing customers like me to AT&T for another 2 years, so I expect better. At least the $20.00 unlimited data plan (200 text messages) a month isn't a bad deal or at least not a bad deal right now....until another service offers a better National service with unlimited data for under $100.

-Sadly, AT&T has an exclusive deal with Apple so the users are screwed here.

Screen--the screen is freakin' amazing! One of the best I have seen. It looks just as good outdoors as indoors. The touchscreen works as advertised. It's smooth and the applications start up fluidly. It just works. I know...I know you think I am just orgasming about Apple.

-Nope. Agree completely. About the screen, not your orgasming of course.

The iPhone experience--There are very few buttons to use. The top button turns it on/off well actually kind of on-display/off-display. You can play music with the screen off. The side button volume up and down and a switch for phone mute. There is the middle button near the bottom center of the phone, which is the home button. I was initially worried about the lack of buttons. I am a guy and we like our buttons. This is actually a good thing. It makes navigating the phone easier. Navigation on my Razr was awful. I had the phone for over a year and I still couldn't find things efficiently. scroll....scroll....click...scroll....aghhhh.

-No problem here. Touch screen technology is cool. Imperfect, but cool.

For me, (and this is one of the main reasons, why I got this phone), the contact list is very nice. I have a fairly large contact list and now I am able to use my finger and use it like a rolodex and find my contact fast. I found out that I could integrate the contact list with google maps made it even better. Now I can put find surrounding streets and get directions much more easily. I am one of those that "gets lost crossing the street", so Google Maps was a nice add on. I do wish that there was an integrated GPS, which would have made this function even better. I have heard that there maybe some sim card with a GPS built in from BlueSky Positioning, so there may be some hope in the 3rd party world. http://www.iphonefaq.org/

-Not a feature I would use regularly but sounds neat. You are right about the GPS. It should have been included.

I like the favorites for the contact list, which allows me to find my frequently called friends faster, rather than have to scroll through the 200+ contacts. I do wish that Apple would have put the contact list in an icon view, maybe using the photo integration rather than just a plain list. It would be much more accurate to touch an icon rather than an item on the list. At least give me the option.

-200+ contacts! Are you kidding? I barely have 20! Wow, I am unpopular. Sigh.

Network--The Edge network is slow. Although, in parts of the Bay Area it is faster, but in general it is like an old 56k dialup. Remember those? I am glad that WiFi is available, otherwise surfing the internet or downloading YouTube videos wooooooooouuuuullllllllddddd bbbbbbeeeeeee lllllliiiiiiiiikkkkkkkeeeeee tttttthhhhhhhiiiiiissssssssss.......so I exaggerate a bit, but after getting used to an average of 3Mbs or higher speeds going back seems....well backward. I wished that AT&T would have done something like a 4G network using UMTS. oh well. The combination of WiFi and Edge make web browsing, emailing, and downloading YouTube videos much better than only having EDGE or WiFi. I have been in areas where I don't have access to a cell signal, but have access to WiFi (like my home for instance) or access to the EDGE network, but not an open WiFi connection, like random spots around the Bay Area. Yes, there have been places where there is god forbid--No WiFi AND no cell connection, then I play the iPod music or video.

-The Network will improve but that is REALLY disappointing.

Mail--I love having access to all my email. I can now access my Yahoo, Gmail, Comcast, and work email from my iPhone. It may take a minute to download the latest emails, but having the almost instant access is great.

-Cool!

Photos--This is where the iPhone really shines. Photos look great. They are automatically pulled from My Pictures on my PC or iPhoto on the Mac. They are automatically reformatted for the iPhone screen. Turn it and the picture re-formats. It still amazes people, when I show them.

-Cool Again!

Internet--The internet experience is hampered mainly by the quickness of the network, but once a website loads, you can "pinch" to widen or do the "two finger spread" to zoom in. So, far it is the best internet experience on a mobile device that I have experienced. I have a Sony PSP and while it does show the entire website and I can move around and zoom, it feels artificial and distant and typing an address in the PSP is miserable and slow. Having the full internet in the palm of your hands is very useful. You can show friends something cool you found or look up a movie time without breaking out the laptop.

I like that the web page will flip when you move the iPhone and that the keyboard to type in will also flip. This is not the case in all applications on the iPhone....Why???? This makes typing on the keyboard a little easier because you have so much more room to type. Apple please make fix this in your next update. Since, I am suggesting fixes, maybe an improved caching system. I visit the same site, but sometimes it has to re-load each time. I would gladly give up some of my 8Gb for this.

-Web Browsing was really cool. I did like the pinch/spread control. It is probably the best interface function of any portable device ever. However, and this is a BIG however, the on-screen keyboard sucked! It was very difficult to use and took me numerous times to enter the correct info because the IPhone keyed in a surrounding letter rather than the letter I was actually selecting. In my opinion, this should be a top list fix ASAP for Apple.

Camera--The camera is nice. A little unsteady when taking a quick picture. It looks great on the iPhone. 2 Megapixel camera, I wish it were 3, but oh well....There are no other controls....no zoom...night mode....effects....etc... hopefully this will also be addressed in an update. Video Camera none....nada.....not included, I use this several times on my Razr and while the quality was woeful, I did like it to catch a moment in time. This should have been included.

-Right on the money.

SMS--If you iChat then you'll like SMS on the iPhone, it works basically the same. Basically, you can view both sides of the communications, rather than only one side at a time like most phones. It turns a conversation into a cartoon balloon text without the cartoon characters.

-Sounds great!

iPod--Music, I moved a small portion of my iTunes library and while I haven't compared sound quality, it looks good. Coverflow and navigation are very nice. Videos are really nice. I downloaded an episode of Battlestar Galactica and some anime to see how it looked and it does not disappoint. Very nice.

--Anime and Battlestar Galactica?! Sorry Ladies! He is taken!

Phone--Decent phone quality. I haven't heard any complaints. No worse than my old phones. I like the User Interface and I can make a call relatively quickly. I did have to remove the screen protector that shipped with the iPhone because it blocked the earpiece. I wish they would have formatted it, so that I could kept it, instead of it being a shipping throw away. The screen protector worked great, no finger smudges, worked with the touch screen...Once I removed it.....instant finger prints. I had to order a new one. I am trying the new Shieldzone protector (www.shieldzone.com.) I'll let you know, how that goes....

I do love the visual voice mail feature. This is where your voice messages appear like emails, where you click them and they play the message. No more calling voice mail and having to go through several messages just to get the one you want. AT&T and Apple did good on this one. My only complaint was that this was not working initially on my phone and I had to call AT&T and Apple and then AT&T again to resolve this issue. Apparently, some of the remnants of my old plan were still in my account and were preventing access to this feature. At first it would only call my voice mail box, rather than show a "visual voice mail" menu.

-Man, that sounds perfect.

BatteryLife--As On Da Strempf says the battery is soldered on the iPhone.....another why??? Why is Apple so against user removable batteries? It sounds like their a version to 2 button mice.....Apple is a master of user design, but this always makes me question my faith. So, far it lasts about 8hrs using the phone, internet, video, etc...daily use. I haven't used it with heavy call volume, but I have used the internet pretty heavily. So, I usually charge it when I get home. Not great, but not bad for all the eye candy. I do want to find out if I just use the phone or the iPod portion exclusively to see how the battery life actually is. More info later.

--Not too bad. But you are right, consistent daily use especially with IPod features will be the real test.

Improvements that hopefully will come in updates.
-Mass deletion of contacts or emails--You can only delete one at a time.
-No cut and paste, Select or Select All. This would make it easier to paste weblinks in email, etc....
-No direct download from itunes over WiFi or EDGE
-No stereo bluetooth...A2DP for all you techno geeks...
-No way to edit Microsoft Office apps....it can read Word and Excel documents in attachments, but alas you cannot modify them.
-No iChat. I am not a big instant messaging person, but it was a strange exclusion....I am thinking that there must have been some security or stability issue.
-No flash or java.

-Agree. All odd choices but I guess you can't expect perfection.

In summary, So far, I love it. Was it worth the 13hrs in line? Yes, the "iPhone/Apple welcome" and the people in line made it worthy. Was it worth $600? ummm probably not. Worth $300 to $400? yeah...

I had long given up my Palm Pilot in favor of a cell phone exclusively because I used the phone contacts the most. While the Palm/Clie that I had could do music it just didn't have the storage space to make it more than a CD's worth. The iPhone is the best integration of these two functions. I hated to carry a personal organizer, an iPod, and a cell phone, so this comes pretty close to my personal ideal solution.

The iPhone is the next evolution of the cell phone and the touch screen is the next evolution in the PC world. The iPhone will force manufacturers to make better phones and we as consumers will benefit in cheaper phones with more features. So, whether you are an Apple fan or just a casual user of technology, you will benefit in some way because of the iPhone. So, love it or hate it, is is here to stay.......

-GREAT JOB, RICK! Thank you so much! Please give him his props in the comments. He deserves it.

The Baseball World Scratches Its Head about the Matt Morris Trade

2007-08-02T09:48:00.000-07:00

As we all so horribly know, trades have not been good to the Giants lately. But after last night's game (which was also terrible because the bullpen reared its old ugly head...but I digress) - where Rajai Davis started and looked pretty good and Jayson Stark from ESPN's article where he discussed the deadline trades - I am happy to say that we actually came out a big winner in this one! Woo Hoo!

Here is why every GM in baseball, except Pittsburgh's, is dumbfounded:

The Giants' brass was sitting around its suite Tuesday morning, bemoaning the fact that it had no decent deals cooking whatsoever. And then, out of the blue, it happened. The Pirates called. And wanted Matt Morris. His 7.94 ERA since mid-June? Not a problem. That $9.5 million he's owed next year (not counting his $1 million 2009 buyout)? Not a problem. And so they swooped in and finished off a deal for Morris minutes before the deadline -- for a legit prospect (Rajai Davis), a second prospect to be chosen from an agreed-upon list and absolutely zero money changing hands. Well, it didn't take long. For the next two hours, after people around baseball learned of this deal, they couldn't stop calling, e-mailing and texting reactions that could probably be summed up with three succinct words: WHAT THE BX!GRZFDQ!!!!! Don't get us wrong here. We love Matt Morris. Terrific guy. Has had a wonderful career. Should be a fine mentor to those young Pirates starters. But the Giants were just about begging teams to take Morris and offering to chomp big chunks of his money if they had to. Then this team going nowhere dropped out of the sky and took the man and the money. What a country. "That move," said one incredulous front-office man, "is so far out of left field, it's in the Monongahela."

ESPN - Stark: Five ways the trade deadline rocked baseball - MLB

Hee Hee. Man, the Pirates fans must HATE us by this point. We steal Barry Bonds, took Jason Schmidt for peanuts and now this. And we still have a player to be named later coming to us too! Knowing this, maybe we will get a future closer. Hmmmm. Sorry Pirates fans! It is nice, at least for a short moment, to know that we came out on top of one of these deals. With our luck, Morris will become a 20-game winner and team leader and Rajai Davis will develop a phobia about the right field wall at AT&T Park. Oh wait, that was Armando Rios, the guy we gave you in the Schmidt trade. Sorry for that too, Pirates Fans!

Congratulations Brian Sabean! It will be short-lived I am sure, but enjoy it while it lasts.

P.S. I stumbled upon this blog and I thought you might enjoy it. The title will shoot you through the heart like an arrow, but it is hilarious. (Link)

A Trade, Some Improvement and Barry is stuck on 754

2007-08-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

Since I last posted, the Giants have actually shown some improvement! Maybe other fans, like the guys in this pic, disagree. But the bullpen and starting staff are still fighting to keep us in games while the offense seems to have finally figured out how to get a hit with runners in scoring position. The most promising thing has been the comebacks. I was at the 13-inning game vs Atlanta and the 9th inning comeback was incredible. I know we lost but they showed a lot of heart and it appears to have fueled the team. We had 2 really great games vs the Marlins and most importantly, we beat the Dodgers and Brad Penny last night in LA. I don't expect a big season saving comeback the rest of the year, but it is nice to see.

The Giants did make ONE trade before the big deadline, but it wasn't super exciting. Matt Morris is a Pirate and we got 2 players, 26 year old outfielder Rajai Davis and the famous "player to be named later". Typically the PTBNL, is a lower level prospect so don't expect a future closer from this transaction. I am sure there are people out there wondering why we obtained another outfielder when we have SO many options out there already. Well, I presume that he was by far the best offer we got from any of the interested teams. And besides, this is the main reason they traded Matt Morris:

The deal's most essential fact from the Giants' perspective is that Pittsburgh agreed to pay the remainder of the $13.5 million owed Morris through 2008, including a $1 million buyout for 2009. That's what made the Pirates a more attractive trade partner than Philadelphia or St. Louis, believed to be the two other teams pursuing Morris.

The Official Site of The San Francisco Giants: News: San Francisco Giants News

It is always about the money in Baseball. So we are free of his contract, but I think most of us thought we would do better this trading season. At least Noah Lowry is still a Giant. Whew! We dodged a bullet there! But wow, this trade deadline was so uneventful for all teams let alone the Giants. Of course it was. Sigh. The Giants were sellers this year right?

Lastly, Barry Bonds is still the center of attention (I wonder why?) on the team and he is back in his slump. It hasn't been as bad as the last one, but he looks a little off again. Hopefully, he gets a night off tonight and we get to see Rajai start in left. He needs to rest and work on those legs again. BTW, anyone else bothered by the hypocrisy of the Dodger fans? I mean, they booed Bonds with such vigor last night and then you see more flashes during his at bats than you see at AT&T Park! Jerks! I can't stand this "I hate Bonds" stance everyone takes then they turn around and say they love to watch him bat. Arrgh!

In the end, I am really pleased to see the team playing better. All I have ever wanted is to see them win and it looks like we are closer to winning more series than we are losing. It is not what we wanted out of this season, but hey, I'll take what I can get.

P.S. I have YET another clip from the Howard Stern show where they commented on Bonds during the news. It is actually a positive story for once! Check it out if you want. Enjoy!

I Haven't Abandoned My Blog...Yet

2007-08-01T09:30:00.000-07:00

Have you missed me? I know I have not posted in a while but I have seen all of my readers in person recently, so why post? Well, if any of you are still out there, I will do my best to post regularly again. Let's get back to those popular topics on this blog: The Giants, Barry Bonds, a myriad of Twango tracks and my disdain for Apple's recent products and decisions!

So today I will give you at least one post on the Giants and I have been sitting on Rick's IPhone review. Sorry, Rick! It is very detailed and I am sure you will find it interesting. I have put all of my effort lately into actually doing some work and seeing family and friends. Weird, huh? But rest assured, I am still here, for now. Hey, it is hard to stay awake and get the energy to blog after watching 3 straight episodes of Dora the Explorer! Man, I love my daughter, but that show is like the strongest sleeping pill you have ever taken. ZZZZzzzz!

Howard Stern Show Clip About Barry Bonds Frustrated Blowup

2007-07-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

As you may have heard, Barry Bonds blew up at himself yesterday after the Dodgers completed a 3-game sweep of the lowly Giants. He deserves the self-flagellation, BTW. He has sucked a** lately and in very key situations where we could scored some important runs. I don't think he needed to take it out on a laundry cart or especially out loud with the media, but he needs to watch some tape and stop swinging for the seats. Anyway, if you didn't hear what he said or did:

"It's an embarrassment to be wearing this (bleeping) uniform, the way I'm playing," he said after angrily telling television crews to turn off their cameras. "There, that's it. Now, get away." Reporters standing at his locker lingered for one more question. So Bonds cursed Bonds. "I said I'm embarrassed to have this (bleeping) uniform on, the way I'm playing," he repeated. He stood up and waved his arm at the throng. "Now, get out of here." The reporters dispersed, and good thing. Anybody in Bonds' way might have suffered the same fate as the laundry cart that blocked his way to the trainer's room. He knocked it over, its wheels spinning in the musty air.

Bonds rips Bonds - MLB - Yahoo! Sports

Take that you dirty laundry cart! F*** you! Well, the team I am sure feels his frustration as well. As do all of us fans. However, it always sucks that stuff like this comes out publicly because it is misinterpreted as, "Barry yells at reporters!" or "Bonds did a dicky thing...AGAIN". The guy is just having a really bad slump and he lost it. If Pedro Feliz would do this publicly, and his lame-a** should, it would not have made the SF Chronicle. Bonds says it and the national media pick it up and worse...start commenting on it.

Even the Howard Stern show had some reaction on it today. And if you don't listen to the show, Howard rarely brings up sports. Sadly, as with any discussion of Bonds, it turns to other issues then to the fact that he is a jerk and hated. Oh well. I thought you would like to hear it so of course I have Twango'ed it for you below. Enjoy!

As for Bonds, he is the last thing the Giants have left this season that will put "fans" in the seats. At least until he hits 756. After that, the upper deck at AT&T Park will become a Seagull Sanctuary. But hey, I will still be watching (and crying inside) while the team loses to crappy teams like the Nationals or the Reds. Sigh. I am hoping for a good trading season for us. That might give us SOME hope. What a season, huh?

Unbelievable...The Giants Are Sellers This Year

2007-07-15T05:29:00.000-07:00

As sad as it is to admit, and for the first time since we have been at Pacific Bell/SBC/Over Priced Food/AT&T Park, the Giants are definitively sellers. Sniff, Sniff. It is just so sad. For non-baseball nerds, that means the Giants will most likely trade away players on the active roster, typically for younger prospects, rather than reverse - which has been the case for the past 10 or so seasons. I believe Giants management and the rest of baseball were using this weekend's series with the Dodgers to determine if we were going to pull it together in the 2nd half. I mean, if we win or sweep the Dodger series, it would show that we might have some life left. However, the last 2 games proved we are still the same flat team. Whether it is relief pitching (which was the case the past few games) or offense (ditto), we just do not have what it takes this season to win. Sniff!

Okay, while we are still coming to terms with yet another losing season, now what? Well, being a seller is just as painful as being a buyer. Either way, you potentially lose players you do not want to see go. This season, it sounds like it will be Noah Lowry. He is by far our most valuable trade bait, but I really think that it is a bad idea to let him go. First, he is a lefty - which is a commodity in the starting pitching department. Secondly, he is only 26. Lastly, he is not a power pitcher. And that kind of pitcher can have a long solid career because they do not have to worry about losing velocity or changing their pitching approach. And you know, I just like the way he fits in our starting rotation. It will suck if we lose him, even if we get something awesome in return.

However, as for the rest of the players on the trading block, SIYA! Pack your bags now and don't let the clubhouse door hit your a** on the way out. Here is the list, courtesy of SFGate.com, of the most likely to be traded:

Six who could go

These six experienced players could attract interest from contending teams if the Giants stick a "for sale" sign on the clubhouse door before the July 31 trade deadline:

1. RHP Matt Morris -- He is a bulldog who gets ornery when the team loses. He had a solid first half (7-5, 3.55 ERA), has postseason experience and is signed for next year, which makes him more attractive to teams that do not like rent-a-players.

2. LHP Noah Lowry -- Nine-game winner is still young (26) and has a very palatable contract that runs through 2009. The Giants would seek a boatload of talent in return. Deals like that are more easily made in the winter.

3. OF Randy Winn -- Despite his baffling struggles with consistency, he is a switch-hitter who can play all three outfield positions. His contract, which has two years left for a total of $16.25 million, might impede a deal.

4. 2B Ray Durham -- He batted .371 with nine home runs last July. If he gets that hot over the next two weeks, teams will come calling.

5. LHP Steve Kline -- Another postseason veteran, Kline stranded 10 of his 11 inherited runners in the first half, did not allow a run in 27 of his 33 outings and still can get that big out late in the game.

6. SS Omar Vizquel -- Has said he would want to go only to a team that needs an everyday shortstop, but any contender would love his experience, defense and clubhouse presence down the stretch.

WIN OR TRADE WINDS / If this weekend's series with the Dodgers doesn't go well, get ready for a fire sale

Except for Noah, fine by me. Unfortunately, all but Morris and Lowry have limited trade value. I mean, if I were on the other end of trade involving Ray Durham, I wouldn't want to trade a Sub Center Sandwich (Yum!) let alone a decent prospect. Expect a bunch of trades but don't expect anything that will wow you. BTW, I would love to add Vinne Chulke and Pedro Feliz to the list, but NO ONE in their right minds would take them. Not even for a 7-Eleven pre-made sandwich. Yes I have sandwiches on the brain. Leave me alone!

So enjoy the weather this summer at the park because you sure won't be seeing too many wins. As for Barry Bonds and his homerun chase, it should be interesting for a while if he can actually get a decent swing off. Maybe he should have participated in the homerun derby? He is slumping anyway. Hey, I am a big Bonds fan but I prefer to see him drive in runs than hit them out the park. I want to see wins, not just homers. So I will cheer 756, treasure it, and get back to reality. This team needs A LOT of work and my patience is thin. I want to see the Giants win a championship sometime while I have my real teeth. And those teeth would love to celebrate the victory by eating a delicious sandwich. MMM! Yes, sandwiches again. Live with it!

TGIF Fun! (The Giants Need A Good Kick in the A**)

2007-07-13T15:04:00.000-07:00

So much to cover this week in Giants baseball news. The All Star Week festivities, possible (scary) trades and the beginning of the second half of the (mediocre) season playing the Dodgers (Can anyone say, "critical series"?). In addition, my preseason prediction was wrong regarding Brian Sabean because the Giants extended his contract for at least 2 more years today. Hey, I am okay with being wrong because I like Brian Sabean and I generally like the job he has done over the years. I know his recent track record isn't perfect, but I still think he is the cream of the crop when it comes to GMs in the league. You better fix this team, buddy!

I will also hold him to his statement at the press conference today:

"Clearly, the past two and a half seasons have been a disappointment to all of us in the front office and to our fans. Moving forward, our goal is to win at the Major League level while also developing a younger roster."

The Official Site of The San Francisco Giants: Official Info: Press Release

Younger roster? Heard that one before! I hope it is true. We have a few players I would be happy to see go right now if it will get us some young talent. Their names rhyme with Morris and Durham. Oh wait?! That is their names. Oops. Anyway, one name I DO NOT want to see on that list is Noah Lowry. I love that kid and he is looking even better than ever this season (I mean pitching-wise, of course). Please Brian, I have been a big supporter of your tenure here. Don't do it! Listen to me dammit!

Okay, I will blog more about the team later. For now, for my TGIF Fun and to inspire the team for tonight's big Dodger series, I give you one of the greatest scenes in a sports movie: the opening scene to the great movie, Blue Chips. Yes , it about college basketball not baseball, but what Nick Nolte says and does is pretty much how I feel about the team right now. (Watch the asst coaches in the scene. So funny the way they back off every time Nolte walks back in.) Enjoy!

All Star Week Begins Today! Someone Hold Me.

2007-07-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

Yes, the excitement begins now and it cannot be contained. It is All Star Week and it is the perfect cover for the Giants mediocre play on the field. I felt like I was doing every one a favor by not blogging about the Giants for a while, but from what I understand, the majority of my readers are here for the baseball stuff. Sigh.

Sadly, I cannot feign excitement for the way the team is playing. But being a Giants fan, I can't help but love them, no matter how up and down this season has been. I mean, we look like we are improving during this last homestand, but we keep losing series to teams like Cincinnati. It is just frickin torture.

Also, I know a lot of people are already complaining about Zito and his big contract, but I am not as concerned. Yes, he has not looked like an ace, but it is only mid-season in the first year of his contract. He could have won a few more games early in the season, too, if it hadn't been for our stinky offense. I mean, give the guy a little time, will ya? I found it funny that Bochy said that Zito needs to "relax". If I had $126 million, I would be VERY relaxed. Just kidding - I know he is feeling the pressure. My prediction: The 2nd half will be much better for him. No joke here. I am serious. Stop laughing!

At least we can be excited about a few things, the offense is starting to improve and Freddy Lewis is looking like he will be a future All Star. The kid can hit. He may not be the best fielder yet, but he can hit. Now only if they can keep him on the field. Randy Winn has been fairly consistent and pretty good and Bonds is nearing Hank Aaron so he will be on the field as much as he can. However, Dave Roberts has been pretty sucky so far and even single-handedly lost us a game by dropping a ball (The catch was so routine that it looked like he had money on the game). Sorry Dave. You are a nice guy and a hustler (not the dirty kind), but find a nice warm spot on the bench, please. It is Lewis' time now.

Okay, back to the topic at hand. All Star Week is here. I am excited about this but not for the obvious reasons. The game itself will be cool, but 2 things will be better. The Home Run Derby will definitely be the highlight of the week especially when the lefties come up. David Ortiz and Ryan Howard are going to fill McCovey Cove with balls and it will be fun to watch. Too bad Bonds will not be involved, but as a fan, I am actually glad he decided not to participate again. He has historically gone into horrible slumps after being in the Derby.

But secondly and most importantly, I am most excited by the attention San Francisco and the Bay Area will get because of all of these events. I am proud of this city and I like it when people point it out. And what it will do for the local economy isn't bad either. Okay, it is not very exciting for most people but I really think these big events make a difference to a city in the long run. Maybe I will stop here, I am starting to sound like a Republican and I don't want to start hating myself. Yuck! Anyway, I just LOVE this town, dammit! That is what I mean!

Well, if you cannot afford to attend any of the big events, at least check out the Fanfest at Moscone West. At least you can see some Hall of Fame memorabilia especially if do not ever plan on visiting Cooperstown. Or stop off and buy me the National League All-Star Jersey above. You know you want to!

All right. Daniel N., Ambassador of SF Tourism Out! (And No, Mayor Newsom didn't blow me to do this post! Really! Stop Laughing!)

Need a New IPhone Battery? That will be $115, Please.

2007-07-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

It has now been a week since the IPhone was released and I sure my friend Rick is in tech heaven. Considering I have not heard from him since he activated it (3 or 4 days later!), I assume he is dancing around the East Bay lovingly playing with (and secretly kissing) it. Well, I am sure he will be excited to here that Apple announced its battery replacement policy for the IPhone today. It will give him a nice chuckle.

Earlier this year, I predicted the battery life on the IPhone was going to be horrible. I based it on Apple's previous battery issues, my personal experience with my wife's, albeit pretty, IPod Mini and the demands of the IPhone's many functions. Sheesh, my wife's IPod Mini lasts maybe 1 1/2 days tops on a full charge and I only use it to and from work. And I live and work in the City - It is not like I am commuting from Antioch - Man, does that sound like a nightmare... Anyway, my current cell phone, the Motorola KRZR, lasts 3-4 days on a quick charge and I use it for music too! Well, the jury is still out on whether battery life will be an issue, but I suspect you will need to carry a portable generator to get your phone calls.

And get this. The battery in the IPhone, like in the IPod, is soldered and NOT user replaceable! Meaning when you need to replace the battery:

Users would have to submit their iPhone to Apple for battery service. The service will cost users $79, plus $6.95 for shipping, and will take three business days. The procedure is similar to the one it has for the company's best-selling iPod players, but because some users will not want to live without their cell phones, Apple is also offering a loaner iPhone for $29 while the gadget is under repair.

Apple issues battery program for iPhone - Yahoo! News

How nice of them! A loaner for $29. WTF?! It will cost you $115 bucks and the inconvenience of losing your cell phone for 3 days. Plus who knows when the loaner will arrive. Seriously, what is Apple's problem with user replaceable batteries? I just don't get it. I understand that most people are not very technically inclined, but changing a battery? I think most people can handle it, Mr. Jobs. You are the guru of pretty design, but how about some functional design too.

I am still waiting on Rick's review, which I expect to be glowing. I mean, as much as I hate to admit it, the thing does look pretty cool. But looks and real world usage are 2 completely different things. Stay tuned. And DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO CHANGE A BATTERY YOURSELF! It is SO dangerous!

Apple IPhone Released! AT&T Subscribers Rejoice! I Yawn.

2007-07-01T15:15:00.001-07:00

Regular readers of this blog probably know my feelings about Apple these days. I was - well, a little peaved - when they delayed their new operating system to put more people on the IPhone development. I stand by my predications and now we will see whether I will be eating my words since the IPhone was released on Friday.

Yup, ~~geeks~~ early technology adopters everywhere, lined up at the Apple stores and were the first to pick up a $500-$600 cell phone. Coincidentally, my friend Rick was one of those technology lovers who anxiously waited outside the Emeryville Apple store for his IPhone and was featured on SFGate.com (he is in fourth in line in the pic above):

Next to Sutcher was Rick, a 36-year-old information technology manager for a Richmond freight company, who was wearing a MacWorld T-shirt. He gave up a good-paying consulting gig, he said, to wait in line for an iPhone. The Apple fan, who has attended every MacWorld convention for the past eight years and catches all the Steve Jobs keynotes on the Web, said he couldn't wait to replace his Motorola Razr cell phone. "I just love their user interface, and their design is top-notch," he said. All four got to the Emeryville store so early, they helped set up the barricades through which the line snaked this afternoon.

Even Apple's co-founder is standing in line for an iPhone

Rick setting up barricades? Man, Apple really has him by the balls. (Just kidding, Rick.) But seriously, I understand Rick's love of technology. We are both IT people and we both have a passion for the cool things technology can do. We are also willing to deal with the pain technology can bring - odd random glitches, steep learning curves, big price tags - because we enjoy the challenge and fun a new tech gadget brings. Women line up for expensive shoes, we (well, in this case, he) buy an IPhone.

I asked Rick to tell me about his IPhone and like some people who have purchased one, he has not been able to activate it yet. Ouch! Here is his tale of woe:

Yes, the activation issues suck. Unfortunately, I should have tried activating it the minute I got it home. Instead I fell asleep. I activated it the following morning. Then I waited 2 hrs....and got a notice at 11:34am that my current plan was not compatible with the iPhone (my old plan, which I loved was an old ATT plan before Cingular and before the "new" ATT) and gave me a number to call, so I did. After talking with a supervisor, the lady at ATT changed my plan and told me to reset my iPhone in the cradle and start again. I got the same message to wait for an email. She told me it could take up to 24hrs to activate. I called again at around 7pm and they told me to continue to wait and that everything should go through. I called again this morning and same thing. So, I am now approaching 24hrs since the original notice that my current plan was incompatible. I own a pretty shiny iBrick as they call it. Hopefully, it will be activated later today.

I think Apple should have made the other features of the phone, like the Wifi internet and iPod features available without having to activate the phone. This way you don't feel like you just bought a really expensive paper weight. A very beautiful paper weight though....

Sounds awesome, huh? Yes, you would never go through all of this pain because most of you are "wait and see" types. Well, it is adventurous people like Rick that solve all of those early glitches for you. Give it up for Rick! Yea!

Rick has promised a full review once he gets his "IBrick" up and running. I will post it here when he does. I believe he already got back what he paid for since he told me this story as well in his email:

The actual purchase made you feel like a celebrity. The apple employees line up on either side of you and "high five" you and clap. When we left, the store there were cameras and people taking pictures and asking questions -- Mac-arazzi ! pretty cool.

Now I know what Paris Hilton feels like...without the jail time and the sex tape...okay maybe I don't.

Oh, don't sell yourself short, Rick! Congrats!

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Goodbye J-Rich

2007-06-29T06:04:00.001-07:00

I am sure no one knows that the NBA Draft was last night. I usually do not follow drafts either because they are boring and full of lame hype (like the crappy iPhone that is being released today). Draft picks can turn out to be a bust so I like to reserve my excitement until I actually see the player in our system and on the court. Oh, and when it comes to the Warriors, historically draft days have hardly been worth celebrating. Argh.

Anyway, the only reason I even blogged this today is that the Warriors made a pretty big trade last night and let go of Jason Richardson to pick up the 8th overall pick, Brandan Wright. While I am not saddened by the trade, I am sure there will be a bit of an uproar. The fans LOVED J-Rich and additionally, coming off such a successful season, people will wonder why the Warriors Management would mess with the teams' chemistry.

I have no idea who Brandan Wright is and I have never seen him play, so I cannot say that I am excited by the move. One analyst has already called the Warriors losers on Draft day:

Meanwhile, the Golden State Warriors have to ship Jason Richardson – whose high-wire act was perfect for their system and thrilled crowds – to the Charlotte Bobcats for Brandan Wright, who is talented but has consistency and toughness issues. It was all for the money since the Warriors can't pay Baron Davis and J-Rich, but for fans that's a tough thing to deal with. Golden State was more exciting and better before the draft than after.

NBA draft's winners and losers - NBA - Yahoo! Sports

Hmmm. Interesting but I never trust analysts. They generally are idiots. Who knows? What I do know is that the move will not sit well with some of the team either. Baron Davis and J-Rich were friends so I am sure he is a little pissed today.

Also, the Warriors used there 1st draft pick to acquire a guy from Italy. I have never understood the Warriors' obsession with drafting European players. We haven't really had too much luck with them in the past, but oh well, Nellie and Chris Mullin must know something I don't.

Well, goodbye J-Rich! We loved you. I am sure you will be a superstar in Charlotte. Man, Charlotte? What a bummer. I wish I could say I am more pissed by this trade, but I am afraid I am not a basketball expert. Wanna talk baseball? I will own you!

TGIF Fun! (Enjoy the Silence)

2007-06-22T08:57:00.000-07:00

For today's TGIF Fun, I have decided to flash back. It is no secret to my family and friends that Depeche Mode is my favorite band and I decided to give you some cool music from back in the day. WAY back to 1990! (17 years ago?! So weird!)

Anyway, back in 1990, Depeche Mode released Violater, their best-selling album. When you here it from start to finish, it is understandable why. It is simply brilliant. And the singles to the album had great B-Sides as well! Sweet! I don't want to bore you with the standard tracks you have probably heard a dozen times, so I will give you 2 rare versions of Enjoy the Silence and Sea of Sin.

Some may know the story behind Enjoy the Silence, but I will recount it again anyway. The song was originally supposed to be a Martin Gore song. In case you are not a Depeche Mode fan, Martin Gore is the (brilliant) primary songwriter for the band and normally reserves 1 or 2 songs on every album for himself to perform, rather than the lead vocalist, Dave Gahan (BTW, Dave is working on another solo album currently). When he originally wrote it, Enjoy the Silence was supposed to be a ballad. However, the great Keyboardist/Drummer/Song Writer Alan Wilder (no longer with the band and releases solo projects under the name, Recoil) felt the song would work better with a faster tempo and Dave on vocals. He re-worked the song with the album's producer, Flood, and the version we all know was born. Ahhhhh Creativity.

So I will give you a B-Side version of the song which may give you an idea of what the original version might have sounded like. Martin Gore is on vocals with what sounds like just an accordion. Pretty Cool! You will probably prefer the album version, but I love them both.

Lastly, I will give you the BEST Depeche Mode B-Side ever, Sea of Sin. It was one of two, yes 2!, amazing B-sides to the World in My Eyes single from Violater. The version below is a rare, unapproved remix of the song, which incorporates Enya's Orinico Flow in the middle. Very Fun. Okay, ENJOY!

I'm Back! Boston Will Never Be The Same (Sadly the Giants still are..)

2007-06-20T21:57:00.001-07:00

So sorry I have not posted in a long time! Whew! I am back from Boston and I am sure you all missed me! I know the people of Boston were sad to see us go. They loved us! (By us, I mean my cute daughter.) Unfortunately, the Giants were there as well but none of us who were in Boston to watch the games noticed. In fact, I don't remember seeing any scoring. Hmmm. Seriously, if I didn't see most of the team wandering around the hotel, I wouldn't have believed they were there. Just pitiful.

It is a really tough time to be a Giants fan right now. I am actually so bored watching the games lately that I have been muting the audio on the TV and playing my Sirius radio. We did not win ONE game on this road trip and have now lost 7 in a row. Yikes! Have you noticed that the Giants have been now pushing for Bonds and Molina to start the All Star Game? Of course. They have nothing else to celebrate or get the fans excited about.

So back to Boston. The Giants sucked all of the fun out of the games by, well...sucking. But thankfully, it is a great town. Lots of friendly people, good public transport and some nice parks. (I would tell you about the great food and clubs, but I was traveling with a baby. (Sorry, Family restaurants and early bedtimes, baby!) Funny thing is, I have never heard more sirens in my life than in Boston. I swear, at least 3-4 times a day an ambulance or fire truck would fly by. So annoying.

I also saw a lot of Giants fans around town. It was nice. We stayed at the team hotel and the fans, Giants management and the players were everywhere. One fan even hung up his Giants flag in his room window. If you care, we saw Mark Sweeney and Dave Roberts at the hotel Starbucks, Russ Ortiz and Mike Murphy (longtime Equipment Mgr) in the lobby, and Jack Taschner and Brian Hennessey on the way to the Prudential Center (the mall connected to the hotel). We also saw Larry Baer in the hotel and he was on our flight back to SF. It was really sad how he had to play Mr. PR Guy to all the Giants fans who were flying home, including us. He knew most of us were disappointed with the team. His stock "I have to change the subject fast" question was: "Did ja have fun in Boston?" Hee, Hee.

As for Fenway, it is a beautiful old park. I wish I had more time to walk around and see all of it, but we were pressed for time and had to leave early because of the little one. From the outside, it looks like another building on the street; The inside has these old looking tunnel-like concourses. Very old school. The seats are tight and fans are super devoted. If you have never been to an east coast park then you wouldn't understand the different world it is to see a baseball game there. Vendors carry food on their head (no straps or weight belts), the women drink more than most guys and people buy lots of food. I would talk about the game but the baby and I were asleep by the 5th inning.

The most exciting thing we did see was in the Boston "T" (the subway). We were waiting for a train when we saw a janitor trying to empty out the garbage can. He stopped, carefully walked over to the tracks and pick up two rocks - one small, one large. We couldn't figure out what he was doing. I turned away and I suddenly heard my wife say, "WOOOOOO!", then I saw a mouse (thankfully not a rat) go running past us, followed by the janitor. The mouse ran towards the steps and the janitor threw one of the rocks really hard at the mouse. Whap! Close, but he missed. He chased the mouse toward the elevator and he got away down the elevator shaft. The janitor yelled out, "Ahhh!", smiled widely and looked over at us then snapped his fingers like, "Darn, I almost had him!" So funny!

Well, this is the last road trip for me for quite a while. I have done about one of these road trips to opposing teams' ballparks every year (except Tampa Bay and Minnesota...Ick!) and all but maybe one trip has been a disapointment (at least game-wise). If it hadn't been for my daughter being 6 months old last year, we would have flown to Seattle to see that series. Does anyone remember those games? We were also swept in 3 games. Yup! Done deal. I am over it now.

It is a sad day when a janitor throws the best pitch during a road trip.

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TGIF Fun! #2 (Artie Lange on Letterman)

2007-06-08T10:57:00.000-07:00

2 TGIF Fun's in one day! Sweet! And yes, another Twango track!

As promised, I bring you Artie Lange's appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman on Wednesday, June 6th. This audio is from the Howard Stern Show. I could have tried to pull a YouTube clip, but I think you will be intrigued by the back story and explanations of what goes into appearing on a talk show.

Artie's true story of his dad and him at the Yankees World Series game is hilarious and very touching. It helps that Artie is the best storyteller. It really breaks down why baseball is so great; The memories never fade (especially when you are a kid). BTW, the clip is about 9 mins long.

Enjoy!

TGIF Fun! (Jazz and Chill with KOOP)

2007-06-08T08:40:00.001-07:00

For your Friday entertainment, I bring you the great Swedish duo KOOP. They are oddly androgynous in most of their photos, but I am very comfortable in my sexuality and still can proclaim my love for their music. Man am I together!

But seriously, they are generally categorized as Chill music, but their music is jazzy, sometimes upbeat and groovy, and just plain great. They write, produce and play most of the instruments but use many talented guest vocalists to do the singing. I would gladly list them here but no one knows who they are, at least in this country. Anyway, I still regularly listen to their previous album, Waltz for Koop since I stumbled upon it at Amoeba back in 2002. Ask my wife Lauren, I am sure she is sick of me playing it.

Okay, enough preamble. The video below is Come to Me from their latest album, Koop Islands. And what the heck, I will give you 2 Twango tracks from Waltz for Koop. BTW, if you click their name above you can also hear the song, Koop Island Blues, which streams on their website. Enjoy!

Koop & Yukimi Nagano - Come To Me

Koop & Earl Zinger - Modal Mile

Koop & Cecilia Stalin - Baby

Artie Lange Falls Asleep, We All Laugh

2007-06-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

On the Howard Stern Radio Show this morning on Sirius Satellite Radio (added this mention and link to hopefully avoid those sticky legal issues involved with posting copyrighted material - Oh, who am I kidding? They will never see this blog!), Artie Lange fell asleep. I know. Big Wow! But it was very funny. Howard just concluded a fun interview with Robin Givens - they used to date, BTW (Yes, seriously) - and the gang decided to mess with Artie. He was especially tired because he stayed up late to watch himself on the David Letterman show last night. Actually it was a really great appearance. I will try to post it here in the future. Enjoy!

Praying for an end to this Horrible Road Trip

2007-06-06T21:26:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else out there just fed up with our offense?! I mean, how much better can our starting pitching be?! Matt Morris pitches a one-run complete game and LOSES? Jesus F***in Christ! Sorry JC, I am putting a "WWJD" bumper sticker on tomorrow morning. Anyway, I didn't see the end of the game, but my wife told me that Morris looked disgusted as he left the field. Boy, aren't we all?

Bonds' legs are hurting which caused him to miss two games and, more importantly, it has made him lose his swing (no matter what he says about "feeling better"), and no one else (besides Molina) is consistently putting together any clutch at-bats. And don't get me started on the baserunning. Holy Jebus! Rich Aurilia is a slug and I am positive I could beat him in a foot race, Ray "Ow! My Groin!" Durham takes wider turns than a senior citizen in a Cadillac and Ryan Klesko obviously wasn't taught in Little League that you have to run to third on a bunt (and not stand on second base with a dumbass look on your face!). Argh!

Our starting pitching is SO good this year and they are getting shafted by ~~non-existent~~ inconsistent hitting and a bullpen that cannot hold or close the door. Damn! Since I mentioned the bullpen, this road trip did have one positive effect for them - Benitez is gone and Randy Messenger is here. Randy hasn't looked dominant but at least I don't get that "feeling" in my stomach knowing that Armando is looming. However, Kevin Correia seems to keep throwing batting practice in late innings and allowing our opponents to celebrate with a win on a walkoff homer. Ouch! We just can't seem to catch a break.

All of this is well known by Giants fans but I am starting to give up. I do not see any light at the end of the tunnel. 3-6 on this road trip and back in last place in the division is just plain sad. It is time for all of us to just fess up and admit it. All together now: WE SUCK. Now sigh and feel sorry for yourself for a minute. I'll wait...

Meanwhile across the Bay, the magic and excitement is happening there. The A's have won 5 in a row and have played tough against one of the best teams in baseball, the Boston Red Sox. Yes, the team I am flying with my family to see next week (and watching them kick our asses). God that is depressing. Have any of you watched an A's game recently? Not only are they fun to watch, but they seem like a "team" - you know, one with no egos and actually rooting for each other? I know; We are not familiar with that over here. Sigh.

The only positive thing we can point to is that our younger players are looking very promising. Kevin Frandsen is amazing and is one of the few positive forces in the clubhouse. I do see the Biggio comparisons (minus that I can't stand Biggio and he sux right now). Dan Ortmeier is getting better every time I see him and hit a pretty nice homer off of Randy Johnson yesterday. He may not be around for after tomorrow since Dave Roberts will be re-activated. (Unless they put Bonds on the DL - Not a bad plan but it would make the Boston trip a little less exciting). And lastly, we discussed Lincecum and Freddy Lewis before. Both have not shined lately but we all know they have the stuff to stick around for quite a while.

I guess the key to this season might be for the fans to focus on the these 2 positive things: the developing rookies and the quality starts our starting pitching continues to put together. That is exciting but not in the "Wow!" kinda way. Most casual fans don't see, nor care about, those kinds of things so they will not be satisfied. Those "fans" focus on the silly things like Bonds' homeruns, the All Star Game, the (sucky) Yankees coming to town and my favorite: "I wanted to see them win tonight...It is my birthday!". Ugh.

Oh well. I see Fenway Park in the distance and it will not be a friendly place. It will be fun but I do not expect to see wins. At least I will be with my daughter and wife. They can console me while David Ortiz hits that walkoff homerun and we lose again. Sadly, we are all gonna need some consoling the rest of the season.

More Baseball Stuff? Sure, Why Not?

2007-06-01T13:08:00.001-07:00

For you voracious baseball fans, here are a few links to some cool baseball related articles I found interesting today:

- ESPN's Jayson Stark's Rumblings & Grumblings columns are always a hoot. The quote of the article:

DEBUT OF THE MONTH
How much fun has it been watching Giants call-up Tim Lincecum (opponent batting average after five starts: .186).
"He has a radio curveball," quipped Phillies scout Gordon Lakey. "You can hear it spinning. But you can't hit it."

Nice! I am so proud. Read it here: Rumblings & Grumblings

- Yahoo! Sportswriter Jeff Passan did this funny article on Overpaid and Underpaid players.
Of course a bunch of Giants (and ex-Giants) are on the list. My favorite is ex-Giant, now Chicago Cub, Scott Eyre's description:

RP: Scott Eyre, Chicago Cubs, $3.83 million – What is worse: Eyre allowing 41 baserunners in 16 1/3 innings this season or Cubs manager Lou Piniella trotting him again and again only to see him fail?

Hee, hee. Unfortunately, Shea Hillebrand is on that list as well. So don't jump off a bridge, Ronnie and Will. Yes, Jeremy Accardo is well missed now. We know that trade blew more than a working girl at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch (I have to stop watching Cathouse on HBO). I don't want to see you guys do anything drastic!

Read the list here: Deal or No Deal

Enjoy and Happy Friday!

TGIF Fun! (Sgt Pepper's 40 Years Later Still Rules)

2007-06-01T09:22:00.001-07:00

While Stewart Copeland himself believes that the Re-United Police Show is unbelievably lame (So funny!), more importantly, one of the best albums in the history of music was released 40 years ago today - The Beatles Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. If you haven't heard it all the way through, DO IT! It is amazing and has some the most advanced production you will ever hear (well, what do expect for 700 hours of work?!).

It is really such a perfect album that I am sure you have probably heard most of the songs separately (sadly, from commercials and other sources), but it is worth the purchase to own it and listen to it from start to finish. THEN, play it for you children immediately so they can get started on the Beatles early in life. Do IT! (Man, I am demanding today!)

Okay, enough of my yapping. Let's Boogie! (Ahh, Spinal Tap. Oh, sorry. What was I saying?) Anyway, here are three of my personal tracks for your enjoyment. First are the brilliant 2 songs that begin Sgt Pepper's: The Title Track linked with "With a Little Help From My Friends". So cool they way they connect to each other!

Secondly, a Beatles tribute band - comprised of members of Conan O'Brien's and Lettermans' House bands called the Fab Faux - performing "A Day in The Life" (you also get the Sgt Pepper's Reprise as well with this track) on the Howard Stern Radio Show. The cool thing about these guys is that they completely recreate every sound from the record LIVE when they perform. No easy feat considering all the orchestra parts, overdubs and production. They even have a person doing the alarm clock in the middle! Sweet!

Lastly, to prove that the Beatles do not need a lot of production to sound great, I give you "Good Morning, Good Morning" from the Bealtes Anthology. It is a stripped down version before all the extra production was added (such as the main chorus part where they actually sing, Good Morning.) But trust me, this version is just awesome!

If you don't love the Beatles as much as I do, No Sweat. ~~I feel sorry for you.~~ Check it out and let me know what you think. I would love to hear everyone's comments either way. Enjoy!

Dreams Do Come True! Benitez Traded!

2007-06-01T07:42:00.000-07:00

It's is official! Sucky, Jerky "Closer" Armando Benitez has been traded to Florida for some pitcher named Randy Messenger. Woo Hoo! My friend Ronnie texted me this morning and I couldn't believe it until I got into work. After working through the tears of joy, I started this post. Sadly, the Giants had to eat most of the $7.6 Million dollars (OMG!) Armando will be getting paid this year to get this trade done. It was worth it. What else can I say about you Armando that I haven't said in like the last 6 posts I have done. I will be magnanimous and just wish you luck in Florida. Ha Ha, Right! Eat me, Armando. I am so glad you are gone.

Brian Sabean, who I have staunchly defended in this blog from Day 1, is not going to win any friends with his comments on this trade:

"Tonight we got three hits, looked as dead as a doornail, and that wasn't Armando's fault," Sabean said. "We're at a crossroads in my mind. Apparently, the fans, the press and maybe some people in the clubhouse felt he needed to go. We're going to find out what they're made of, now that they don't have a whipping boy. We'll see who's strong enough to be a whipping boy."

Giants trade Benitez for Messenger

C'mon Brian! You are only saying that because you feel YOU have been the whipping boy lately. The sports media and the fans (especially my friend Will) won't let you forget your trading mistakes involving homegrown talent that we could have developed into closers. You only need to look at Will's comments to my previous post to see how well Jeremy Accardo and Joe Nathan are doing since becoming their current team's closers. Ouch! Sabean hated making this deal because he knows it puts the exclamation point on how badly we have done recently in his trades/signings and it will publicly fuel further disappointment in his performance. Sorry, Brian. You have to take a few of those lashes yourself.

Okay, now where do we go from here? I feel anyone is better than Benitez as the closer but how is that going to help with our offense? Sabean was asked this question too:

Asked if he felt compelled to engineer another trade that would fortify the Giants' offense, Sabean said, "Ask the guys who aren't ready to answer the bell. ... We need guys on the field. As usual, we're not getting that."
Without naming individuals, Sabean referred to Tuesday's game, when Barry Bonds, Ray Durham and Ryan Klesko were resting or nursing injuries. Rich Aurilia also has been hampered by injuries.

Yeah. But when those guys are on the field, we aren't exactly an electric offense anyway. Bonds sucks right now too and when he was hot we didn't blow away opponents either. Last night we scored 2 runs for poor Matt Cain and Zito had to pitch a gem for us to win the previous night. WTF! We finally have a great starting staff and our offense sucks! I can't stand being a Giants fan anymore. We are always missing some important piece! ARGH!

Okay, I will try to be optimistic and hope that with "Negative Nellie" out of the clubhouse, we can have a new attitude and turn things around. The team has to believe it, even just a little, simply because they know "Be-Lame-O" won't throw away games with his so-called "closing". And for us, I know I am happier just knowing he is not around anymore. Whew!

Well, Sabean, get ready for a continuously rocky season. I have to believe this season will be your last regardless of the outcome, but I will admit I have been generally pleased with your tenure overall - although I am in the minority. I assure you, there are MANY whipping boys to go around this season. And most of them are deservedly in the front office. Sorry, it is true.

He's Gotta Go!

2007-05-29T21:15:00.001-07:00

A Walk, 2 Balks and a Walk Off Homerun to lose us the game?! Need I say anymore?! My reaction and feelings to this jerkoff are mirrored precisely by the Sopranos scene below. (Warning: It is NSFW!)

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Some Other Baseball Notes (Reader Reaction: NOT AGAIN!)

2007-05-27T08:03:00.001-07:00

Well, Armando Benitez didn't ruin yesterday's game since the Giants decided to do their best Bad News Bears impression. Steve Kline as Tanner Boyle (the fighter), Pedro Feliz as Timmy Lupus (the kind of dopey, bad fielder) and sadly, we have no Kelly Leek (power hitter). Matt Morris (our Amanda Whurlitzer - ok I will stop with the Bad News Bears analogies, but do yourself a favor and SEE the movie! The original, NOT the horrible remake.) pitched pretty well but you could never tell because we committed so many mental and fielding errors. Ouch, our poor starting pitching staff! They have to be disgusted with the rest of team at this point; I would be.

We also still can't hit. Bonds has looked just awful this entire month and should be benched. Not play our superstar?! Yes. His swing looks way off and he should do whatever it takes to correct it while Ortmeier takes over for a few games. Bonds' fielding is also suffering, maybe due a sore leg, and he cannot seem to get to balls fast enough to keep runners from taking extra bases. Barry - relax and take a few days off, rest or get the leg checked out, and watch the tapes of your swing and fix it. The return of your cross earring will not help.

Anyway, on lighter topics, I saw this on the Giants website:

Say cheese: The Giants greeted and posed for fans Saturday for the annual fan photo day. Bochy was the first to greet fans in the roped-off outfield, and Bonds and Ray Durham stayed out meeting fans long after the event was announced as over and the ropes were being packed up. Barry Zito wore a batting glove on his shaking hand. Zito may make $126 million, but he can't afford to get sick.

The Official Site of The San Francisco Giants: News: San Francisco Giants News

Hee, hee. Zito is a germaphobe! How funny! Look, I don't blame him. Have you seen baseball fans? Yikes! I would take a Silkwood shower after an event like that. Seriously - well kinda - the most hilarious thing about this is Zito's personal hygiene. Have you ever seen his hair? It hasn't seen a shampooing in quite a few years. Yuck!

And finally, I saw this article about an All-You-Can-Eat section they have at Dodger stadium now. MMMM, Dodger Dogs. I hate to admit it as I am a TRUE Giants fan, but they are the s**t. They are footlong and oh so good. If you haven't had one, buy tickets for this section when you visit Dodger Stadium. Yummy! Now if they only can keep their fans from leaving in the fifth inning every game.

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A Baseball Note

2007-05-27T07:29:00.001-07:00

I found this note left for me when I got home from the Giants' game on Friday night. I got home very late and everyone was long asleep.

Per our phone conversation; I HATE Armando Benitez!
"fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again!"

Well said, George W. Because the Giants management/front office keep getting fooled again and again and again. And Again.

They are like my dips**t cousin who, as a baby, kept putting her finger in an electrical socket again and again. And Again.

Rather than learning from their mistakes, the Giants management keeps on putting their fingers in the electrical socket that is Benitez.

Write him off and put some fireworks from tonite up his a** because he's a dud.

Ahhhh, genuine fan reaction from my lovely wife. Who did you think it was? My 18 month old daughter? I am sure she can't stand Benitez either. Not because she sees his lousy pitching, but because my wife and I run around the room like demented Crazy Crabs when he is warming up and/or called in from the bullpen. Poor little girl...

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Armando Benitez - Team Ruiner

2007-05-26T09:14:00.001-07:00

I was at last night's Giants game and got to stay til the end! I know, big wow. Well, it is for me! However, my excitement was short lived because the bullpen ONCE AGAIN blew a great Matt Cain performance. While he didn't do it by himself, Armando Benitez, stood out as the pure lame-o he is and gave up 2 runs in the top of the ninth to help us lose. While he was soundly booed by most of the fans (much of it by my friend Will and me as he entered the game), he unbelievably deflected the blame:

But Benitez, who surrendered Colorado's two ninth-inning runs that broke a 3-3 tie, added little to the family atmosphere as he cited the offense's shortcomings. "I did my job; I got three ground balls," Benitez said, referring to the first three Rockies batters he faced in the ninth. "It happens. We had opportunities to win the game; how many times we got somebody on base and nobody moved [up] a base? Somebody has to pay. Today, it's me."

The Official Site of The San Francisco Giants: News: San Francisco Giants News

You just can't make up stuff like that! What kind of motherf****n team player is this prick?! While the Giants offense is definitely an Achilles heel and could have scored more runs, this asshole blames them after he surrenders 2 runs in the 9th! I don't care if Frandsen made an error - who by the way WAS a team player and admitted to making a bad throw in that fateful inning - but a GOOD closer can fight through those situations. I guess when he gives up a homerun in the late innings, like he did in Houston, it was the ball's fault, right? "I did my job. The ball was uncooperative and could have done more for us." What a dick.

Benitez has got to go. Will mentioned to me while "Mr. Useless" was warming up last night that Russ Ortiz would make a better closer. I agree. We need a change not just to have a better pitcher to be the closer, but to remove this negative numb nuts from bringing down the morale of the team.

Armando, I am not ashamed to admit that I hate you. You have been nothing but a complete jerk since you have gotten here and you are BY FAR the worst closer we have ever had. You make me miss Matt Herges. He was not a good pitcher, but he was a good man. Get it?

Be a man. Admit your mistakes then please, just retire and save us from this hell you are putting us and the team through. Until then, you will never have anyone's respect.

(BTW, I didn't want to put Benitez's smug, stupid face in this post so I found an image of this weird looking dude posing in front of him. You know, I think it is an improvement.)

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Lou Seal, Willie Mays and a Succubus

2007-05-24T11:02:00.001-07:00

As I mentioned briefly in my last post, Condi Rice tainted the beauty of AT&T Park last night with her presence. I understand that the Giants have to roll out the red carpet for the Secretary of State but man it was difficult to watch all these great people chat with such a contemptible person. Willie Mays and Peter McGowan (well kind of a great person). But Lou! OMG Lou! How could you! Oh forget it, Lou. I could never be mad at you...

Reading about the game on SFGate.com, I am happy to hear that the fans redeemed the whole evening:

It all went to script. As Rice left the park in the eighth inning mostly to jeers -- she should have walked out with Mays -- the Giants polished off a 9-1 victory and a three-game sweep of the weak Houston Astros, who scored three runs in the series.

SHOW OF STRENGTH ON AND OFF FIELD / Mays and Secretary Rice chat as Zito masters Astros

Jeers! Way to go, Giants' fans! I am proud of you.

Ms Rice thankfully didn't ruin the Giants' mojo and they put together a very nice series. But let's point out the person who has been carrying this team on his back since the start of the season: Bengie Molina. Dude, you are a super studly clutch hitter. I wasn't all that excited when they signed him, but I eat my words. I admit it; I was wrong. Print this out and keep it. You won't see me admit that very often.

I will end with my favorite bit about Condoleezza Rice courtesy of comedian extraordinaire, Earthquake. Enjoy!

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Hammering Liar

2007-05-23T21:12:00.001-07:00

Hank Aaron has reiterated that he does not plan to be present for any of Bond's milestone homeruns. His exact quote was:

"I traveled for 23 years, and I just get tired of traveling. I'm not going to fly to go see somebody hit a home run, no matter whether it is Barry or Babe Ruth or Lou Gehrig or whoever it may be. I'm not going any place. I wish him all the luck in the world."

Aaron will not reconsider decision - MLB - Yahoo! Sports

At least his remarks were tactful. But c'mon, let's be serious. Hank is a frickin liar! If this was an event for Willie Mays, Willie McCovey or Juan Marichal, he would be out here faster than a hush puppy flies down a fat southerner's mouth. Too obscure a reference? Sorry.

Anyway, Hank hates Bonds, Period. He obviously believes Bonds cheated and wants nothing to do with the "celebration". Celebration is in quotes because the MLB commissioner will not be there either. Bonds will be lucky if his kids will take time to be there. Hey, Nicolai has many commitments. And God forbid it happens on the road. Bonds' voice would echo in the stadium like when the Brady Bunch were searching for Bobby and Cindy in the Grand Canyon. Bobbbbbbby! Cinnnnnndy!

Like Bonds, I can live with Hank's decision. But I just do not believe his reasons. I KNOW he would and will attend other events this and in future seasons. It is what all retired players do when they leave baseball. MLB sends them all over the country to celebrate big milestones and events like the Hall of Fame ceremonies. It is not like the all-time homerun record gets broken every year!

Gimme a break, Hank. Be a man and tell the truth. Until then, I have no respect for you. As I type this I see another liar is attending tonight's Giants' game: Condoleezza Rice. Her lies are more far reaching and despicable. Okay, we have found someone I respect less. You are off the hook for one night, Hank.

Hopefully, a kindly Indian boy will help you find your way out of this personal Grand Canyon you have created with your lies. Well, it worked for Bobby and Cindy. Bad analogy? Damn!

Blogged with Flock

Gone Baptizin'

2007-05-21T12:50:00.001-07:00

I actually had one of the best weekends of my life! Who knew baptizing your daughter could actually not put you to sleep or inspire repeated eye rolling. Sniff, Sniff. Thank you family and friends! I am so blessed...I mean, lucky! Hey, I was touched but I am not re-joining the church anytime soon...

I couldn't help but think of another baptism this weekend so I thought I would share it. Enjoy!

Week 8 of Mediocrity...At Least the Rookies Look Good

2007-05-20T07:51:00.001-07:00

The Giants are beginning Week 8 of the MLB season and are continuing their painfully average campaign hovering around the .500 mark. They have lost the last 2 nights against Oakland and have shown our 2 biggest weaknesses: Hitting (last night's game) and Bullpen Pitching (Friday's Game). I know, Barry Zito pitched Friday for the first time against his old team and looked well, a bit nervous. He hasn't exactly shined lately either, but he left the game losing 5-1 and we lost 15-3! If that doesn't point out our bullpen woes I don't know what does.

As for the bats, other than a Bengie Molina - who is THE MAN in the clutch, we have no one, not even Bonds, who is driving in many runs. Randy Winn has looked good lately as well and has an 18 game hitting streak going but we are just not scoring enough runs! Case in point #1: Matt Cain once again looked amazing last night and only made 1 mistake (the Jack Cust 3-run homer in the first) and the offense only put together 3 hits! OMG! Matt Cain would be starting the All-Star Game this year if it weren't for the piss poor hitting. Case in point #2: Tim Lincecum, rookie stud who is living up to his hype, pitched an amazing game in Houston on Thursday giving up only one unearned run and striking out 10 (!), but got a no decision because the Giants didn't rally until the late innings to pull out the victory. WTF! He is the REASON we were able to pull out that late victory, but got nothing to show for it! The Giants hitters should be repeatedly beaten with a polo mallet every time they have a performance like this. Hmmm. Might be a good idea, Bochy. Think about it.

On the topic of young talent, I can't help but be excited about the rookies we have up (and playing!) right now. Freddy Lewis looks pretty damn good and has already hit for the cycle! He appears to have cemented himself into the lineup for a while and makes none of us remember (or care) that Dave Roberts is on the disabled list. We all have seen Kevin Frandsen before but he continues to do very well and will be a great versatile bench player. Dan Ortmeier has looked pretty good too, but he is unfortunately the odd man out when Dave Roberts comes back. A little more seasoning might do him well anyway, but he is pretty much major league ready. Most importantly, Lincecum has shrugged off the hype and has officially (and deservedly) been added to the rotation since the Giants announced that when Russ Ortiz is re-activated, he will be sent to the bullpen. The only sad part here is that Jonathan Sanchez will be sent to AAA, since he is the only bullpen guy with options (meaning: he can be moved around without actually being completely let go from the organization). I know he hasn't exactly looked amazing, but wouldn't you rather see him come in from the bullpen than Steve Kline? Options Smoptions, Kline sucks ass.

Despite the happiness I feel for the Rooks, the offense has led to another scary proposition. Trade Rumors. My friends Ronnie and Will both just passed out - You guys should really get that checked out. But seriously, I wouldn't blame them if they did because we all know what happens when our offense is flailing: Owner McGowan forces GM Sabean to look for a trade to "strengthen" it. So why is that a big deal? Because the only prized commodity in baseball is YOUNG PITCHING. Get it? One of the big reasons we have such a great starting rotation is what? Go ahead, don't be shy...YOUNG PITCHING. Good Job! We all know how these trades have worked in the past. In short, we trade away promising young pitchers, we get a marginal player for a few months who we never keep around anyway, the team involved (and the rest of baseball) point and laugh at us because the trade was pointless and finally, those traded young pitchers develop into vital parts of their new teams. Ugh!

Primarily for my sanity, I am the last person to know about trade rumors because I do not listen to sports talk radio like my father-in-law and my buddy, Will. Or read every article online about baseball like Ronnie. I would sooner rub lemon juice into a paper cut rather than listen to rumors of Noah Lowry being traded for Melky Cabrera. Yikes! But as we get closer to the All-Star break, the rumors will grow larger and more frightening. I understand that a good trade could really strengthen a team, but it just seems like we always get the short end of the stick in these deals. One of the few exceptions I can think of was the Randy Winn trade. But as I joked with Ronnie, unless the Yankees are thinking of trading A-Rod for Lowry, then Sabean should hang up on (Yankees GM) Brian Cashman after calling him a pansy. Man, I would love to be a GM!

Oh well, now that the Warriors are out of the playoffs, my focus will now be fully on the Giants. I will continue to scare my daughter while I yell at the TV when Benitez, Chulk or Kline are called in from the bullpen. And I will listen to countless rumors from my friends and family about our young pitchers being possibly traded for whatever guy who is close to 40 with bad knees that we are considering picking up because he used to be an All Star in 1995. And I will watch Bonds break Aaron's homerun record in a game we will most likely lose because it will be a solo homer in a 10-1 game. I am now ready. Bring me the lemon juice and ream of fresh new paper. Let's get started.

TGIF Fun! (Even A Tire is Smarter Than Bush)

2007-05-18T15:24:00.001-07:00

While ~~Mr. D**khead~~ President Bush continues his outragous arrogance at refusing to accept a timeline to pull the troops out of Iraq, I bring you the amazing true story of a tire. Yes, a tire who knew when things fall apart, you get out of harms way and go back home to your family (of well.. other tires). Enjoy!

The Excitement is Gone. The Warriors Lose.

2007-05-16T06:01:00.000-07:00

Sorry I have not posted in a while, but I am a busy father and an Ambassador of Database Operations! So much responsibility. It doesn't help that Game 4 at the Oracle Arena wasn't worth writing about and Armando Benitez regressed back to his sucky self and gave away another Giants win last night - Man, that look on his face after he gives up a homerun makes you want to smack him. Argh!

Anyway, the great Warriors playoff run and season is now over. The Utah Jazz knocked them out last night at the classless Energy Solutions Arena. What a sh**ty name for an arena and it deserves it as their fans proved to be the rudest and dickiest fans in the NBA. They made stupid T-shirts and signs, screamed and mocked the Warriors all night. Maybe I noticed so much of your venom because the game was tough to watch, but Utah, you came off like pricks last night. Your signs weren't clever or funny, the T-shirts were just sad and your angry screaming looked ridiculous. Just support your team, a**holes. Oh, was that not classy? Touche.

I am sure that "warm" reception didn't help the Warriors with their short fuses. I, unfortunately cannot defend the Warriors on this topic, but I definitely felt their frustration. I am sure a lot of analysts will say they beat themselves with their attitudes, but I do not agree. We absolutely beat ourselves, but it was by just not shooting well, ill-advised shot selection and not pulling down enough rebounds. Utah is a better team, but not dominant. Outside of Game 1, the Warriors could (and some might say, should) have won any of the other games. Too bad.

Oh Well. But, the Warriors playoff run and season are something to proud of. Next season should be pretty interesting as the team management now knows how close the Warriors are to a great team. Another good trade or offseason signing might complete the puzzle. But to honest, I don't care. The Nellieball Warriors are so much fun to watch! Hands over your heart, everyone. One team, under Nellie, for liberty and justice for all. Thank you.

You know the NBA is sad to see the Warriors go as they were the talk of basketball and by far, the most exciting team in the postseason. But hey, here are some positives I am taking away from all this:

I have my life back! I was adjusting everything to fit the playoff schedule. Whew! Now I only have to adjust my life around the baseball schedule.
No more closeups of Carlos Boozer's pimply forehead! Yikes! If you don't have HD, be thankful.
No more TNT commercials! If I see one more commercial for the f**kin "House of Payne", "The Closer" or "Heartland", I was going to jump out of my window. Don't worry, I am only on the 2nd floor. But damn, did TNT push those 3 crappy looking shows! You couldn't pay me to watch Tyler Perry's "House of Payne". The commercials were SO unfunny. Who is that hack anyway? He is a complete mystery to me.
No more broken English from the TNT "analysts". Charles Barkley doesn't actually speak English anymore. I believe it has become some odd stuttering version of gibberish. Next season TNT will need subtitles and a bib to catch his drool.

Thanks so much Warriors! This season was amazing and I will never forget Baron Davis' Game 3! Well, at least until the Lost finale. Sorry, I watch a lot of TV.

Baron Davis Takes Over in Game 3! Whoa Nellie!

2007-05-12T07:52:00.000-07:00

If you didn't see Baron Davis' amazing performance last night in Game 3 of the Warriors/Jazz playoff game, then I guess you have a life, were out partying somewhere and probably don't give a s**t about basketball. But seriously, the Warriors picked up the pace and nailed 15 3-pointers while Baron Davis just owned the Jazz and acrobatically slashed through their defense. Don't believe me? See the highlights below. (BTW, Steven Jackson dusting off Baron after the dunk is priceless!)

Meanwhile, the Warriors looked better on the boards (Good job, Andris Biendrens!) and actually hit most of their free throws. Phew! Game 2's free throw performance almost killed me and I knew Nellie would come up with a plan to minimize the Jazz's dominance under the rim. Who knows? Maybe it was just being home rather than the gameplan that gave the Warriors their inspiration. It sure looked like a party at the Oracle Arena last night!

Whatever your opinion is, it is hard not to admit that the Jazz definitely fell into the trap of playing the Warriors game. The advantage that gave the Jazz the first 2 games of the playoff series was rebounding and points in the paint. The Warriors were just not able to stop Boozer, Williams, Okur or Kirilenko under the hoop. In fact, the Jazz did well again last night with their short game, but in the end the fast break Nellie style of basketball took them over. Too many jump shots and too fast a pace. Not that the Jazz are slow, it is just not their game.

Former NBA player and now Yahoo! sports analyst, Steve Kerr, calls the Warriors' style of play, "The Greatest Show on Earth!". His assessment of Baron Davis is right on:

It's not just Davis' numbers, although they are spectacular -- 27 points per game, 55-percent shooting, 42-percent from three -- compared to his regular-season stats of 20, 44 percent and 30 percent. It's the manner in which Davis is controlling games. It's the spectacular drives to the hole, the spin moves, the up-and-unders and the splitting of double teams. Of course, it was all punctuated Friday night by the powerful, shocking, one-hand slam on Andrei Kirilenko's head that put a 125-105 victory away for the Warriors.

Greatest playoff show on earth? - NBA Experts Blog - NBA - Yahoo! Sports

Exactly. Now we just have to hope that Baron will survive all this physicality and not get injured or pull up lame. He is playing on a bum knee, a sore hamstring, a tight back and probably needs oxygen during the half and after the game. I would be crying like a baby from all the pain if (I know a BIG IF) I played like him. And I can't shoot for s**t either.

Look, I get it. The Warriors are not your prototypical basketball team and the sports media, Charles Barkley and everyone in the known basketball world keeps reminding us:

But here's the real problem: Because of their unconventional personnel and reckless style of play, the Warriors are actually predisposed to squander winnable games against good teams.

ESPN.com: Page 2 : Bill Simmons Blog

Understood. But WHO CARES?! Did you see Baron Davis last night? Why not just sit back and watch some of the most exciting basketball you have ever seen?! Has anyone seen any other NBA playoff games this year? Nothing has come close to the sheer "jump out of your chair" disbelief at the show that Baron and the Warriors have put on.

So eat me Barkley, Bill Simmons and whoever else wants to knock the Warriors down! Nellieball Rules!

(Note: I had to capture, convert and edit that video myself! I want my props, g**dammit! Okay, so I stole the content from NBA.com. But I did the rest of the stuff to YouTube it! Crickets, Crickets. Crap, there go my props...)

TGIF Fun! (At Kyle's Mom's Expense)

2007-05-11T11:15:00.000-07:00

For those out there with moms they don't want to celebrate (you know who you are), here is some fun for you. Otherwise, the rest of us can just sit back and laugh at the brilliance of Cartman thrusting while he sings the big finale. So funny! Enjoy!

(BTW, this the uncensored version - so beware, it is NSFW.)

Ma Ma Ma Ma

2007-05-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

You go above and beyond as a mother
In fact, you do it at the expense of all of your personal time
No matter how demanding or independent she is during her playtime
You sit next to her patiently, respond to every request and encourage her

You are always concerned about every detail of her life
So much so that it supersedes the details of you own
Instead of taking her on errands and things you enjoy
You take her to places that she would feel comfortable or can play

She loves to fall asleep with you in her room
And you suffer through the pinching and struggling while she does
I feel bad for the personal time you lose
But you never complain or seem bothered because you love us so much

We are always complimented for how great and sweet she is
And you are so proud when people say and see it
The truth is that you have worked so hard every day
That the reason she is so amazing is because of you

You deserve to be celebrated as a great mother
But not because we are told to by Hallmark
But because you make her life and my life so much better
And we should tell you every day: "You are so wonderful! We love you so much."

(Please Note: I am not the rhyming type, I prefer random prose. So I do not want to hear: "It doesn't rhyme or the meter doesn't match!" What am I saying? I have sports people who primarily read this blog. I lost most of them at the word, "prose".)

A Song For You:

Schilling on Bonds Redux

2007-05-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

By now, you may have read a few articles about the story I covered yesterday regarding Ortiz and Schilling to a minor extent defending Bonds. Funny thing is, the Schilling quotes went much deeper than was first reported. He said some pretty nasty things about Bonds:

"I mean, he admitted that he used steroids," Schilling said Tuesday. "I mean, there's no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes and cheating on the game, so I think the reaction around the league, the game, being what it is, in the case of what people think.

ESPN.com - MLB - Schilling backs off Bonds; Francona says 'shut up'

How Sweet! He did continue to say that the Commisioner's and Hank Aaron's decisions not to attend any record breaking games was "sad". Red Sox Manager Terry Francona was upset about Schilling's dickie comments and talked to him privately. Good Job, Terry. I hoped you also took off your nylon belt and smacked him around a bit. He needs it.

In today's aftermath, Schilling realized he is the asshole everyone knows him to be, and apologized on his website blog:

"Everyone has days and events in life they'd love to push the rewind button on, yesterday was one of those days," Schilling wrote on his Web site, 38pitches.com. "Regardless of my opinions, thoughts and beliefs on anything Barry Bonds it was absolutely irresponsible and wrong to say what I did. I don't think it's within anyone's right to say the things I said yesterday and affect other peoples [sic] lives in that way.

"That's still no excuse or reason to say what I did, or even answer the question that was asked. The question I was asked and the answer I gave yesterday affected a lot more people than just he and I. His wife, his children, his friends and his family were all affected by that, as were mine and my teammates," he wrote.

ESPN.com - MLB - Schilling backs off Bonds; Francona says 'shut up'

Yup, wouldn't you just love to be Bonds' son or daughter and be hit with Schilling's pricky verbal shrapnel. Hilariously, Schilling is no fan of the sports media and is as much at odds with them as Bonds has been in his career. Nevertheless, he decided to spout off misinformation and unrelated personal issues about Bonds to a local Boston radio station. Nice work, numbnuts!

I will give Schilling credit for apologizing but he still is a dickwad. He should listen to how a classy person, like his teammate David Ortiz, speaks to the media. And before you call me on it, I am not saying that just because he was just defending Bonds, but simply how he eloquently spoke his personal opinion. Also, as his own manager said, if you have nothing good to say you can "dance around it" or "just shutup". Take that FAKE "bloody" ketchup sock and stuff it in your mouth. Ahhh...Enjoy the Silence.

Unfortunately, Boston is an American league team and does not play here this year. But I will promise to boo him soundly while I am in Boston. Don't worry, I am a classy heckler.

David Ortiz defends Bonds. I know. It's A Miracle!

2007-05-08T13:47:00.001-07:00

My new hero, Red Sox Slugger David Ortiz, said in a Boston Herald article that he is not convinced Bonds took steroids (testify!) and feels that even if he did, he does not feel it would have helped him become the new home run king (preach my brother! - Okay, so I am not black, but I am a person of color - well at least the parts that show).

"To hit the ball, the guy makes it look easy, but it ain't. I don't know how you can have that swing, consistently. I don't know how steroids can do that," Ortiz told the Boston Herald. "There are supposed to be guys using steroids in the game, and there's nobody close to Barry Bonds. What's that mean? He was using the best [stuff]? Know what I'm saying?"

ESPN.com - MLB - Big Papi skeptical steroids helped Bonds in chase

Right on! "Big Papi" also admitted that he doesn't even know if he may have taken steroids in the past while he was a young player in the Dominican Republic. It is a pleasure to hear some true honesty from someone these days. In the end, a lot of people may deduce that Ortiz is trying to cover his butt by making this statement. But, I don't think so.

Additionally, Ortiz AND Curt Schilling (not a Bonds fan in the slightest) both feel MLB and Hank Aaron are handling this whole thing badly! Just like I blogged a month ago! (Yes, I am tooting my own horn...)

"He's just making things worse," Ortiz told the Herald. "He's the commissioner, there's nothing you can do about it. You can't be saying that. What are people going to think about the game? They'll be like, 'This game is a joke.' He should come, even if he doesn't want to."

ESPN.com - MLB - Big Papi skeptical steroids helped Bonds in chase

Schilling:

"Hank Aaron not being there. [Selig] trying to figure out where to be. It's sad," Schilling said, according to the newspaper. "And I don't care that [Bonds is] black, or green, or purple, or yellow, or whatever. It's unfortunate ... there's good people and bad people. It's unfortunate that it's happening the way it's happening."

ESPN.com - MLB - Big Papi skeptical steroids helped Bonds in chase

Exactly. I have made my feelings quite clear but it is so great that these 2 guys have stepped up and gave an honest assessment of the situation. AND one that people will actually read and hear about, unlike my dumb opinions in this blog. (blubber...)

Thank you David (and Curt Schilling too, I guess)! I, at least, appreciate it. I will close with one last quote from David Ortiz.

"He deserves respect," Ortiz told the Herald.

ESPN.com - MLB - Big Papi skeptical steroids helped Bonds in chase

I agree.

BTW, Boston, here we come! Feel free to roll out the red carpet for a Big Name Blogger like myself.

ESPN: I am sorry I basically regurgitated your article but I am linking to it ad naseum! Trust me, I will never see a cent from this thing. Also, I have a young child. And I have a bum hip. Uh, I am a veteran. No dice? Shoot.

Blogged with Flock

Good News and Bad News

2007-05-08T10:06:00.000-07:00

I know you are all waiting for my thoughts on Spiderman 3, but my wife and I are the only people in the known world who have not seen it yet. So I will go back to discussing the stupid stuff I normally blog about.

First the Bad News:

1) The Warriors lost to Utah last night in Game 1 of Round 2. Sucks. The Warriors could have pulled out the game easily if they had hit a few big shots in the 4th quarter or if they had made SOME effort to block off Carlos Boozer on the boards (that means rebounds, non-sports fans). Boozer? I can't help but think of the "Mr. Plow" Simpsons episode when I hear his name. "Mr. Plow is a loser and I think he is a boozer". Hee Hee. Anyway, Utah looks SO beatable. Just wait until they hit the Oracle Arena. Meanwhile, Game 2 is Wednesday and Utah "no es macho". All right, enough obscure Simpsons' references.

2) Giants Top Pitching Prospect Tim Lincecum lost his debut Sunday night, as I feared, and gave up a couple of big homers to Philly. He actually looked pretty good, but hopefully the 1000 lbs of pressure everyone put on him will be lifted in his next start. No worries, Tim. We would much rather have you here then Russ Ortiz. Sorry, Russ. Guys are always looking for a newer model.

Now the Good News: (And no, I will not discuss Paris Hilton's Jail Time here - Beyond good news, but this is not a gossip blog!)

1) The Giants won last night and Bengie Molina hit 2 homeruns in the same inning! Nice! Bengie was a great offseason pickup. I have to confess that I missed most of the game because I was watching the Warriors game. Sorry Giants! Playoffs take precedence! Meanwhile, Zito is not exactly dominating, but he is winning. Now if he could only learn to hit a ball when he is at the plate. Wow, his swing looks like a blindfolded kid trying to hit a Pinata. I saw that this weekend at my friend's daughter's B-day party and I believe those kids would have better success.

2) Lost is going to be around for another 3 seasons! SWEET! I love this show with a passion and it is SO cool that the writers will have a set timeline to figure out the how to finalize the series properly and on a HIGH note. I am on cloud 9. Hell, let's make it 10. Sadly, I hear people have been disappointed with this season, but I don't get it. It has been awesome! The "Diamonds" episode alone, where they buried those 2 people alive (after flashing back ALL the way from before the plane crash until present day), was amazing. If you don't know what I am talking about, I feel sorry for you. You should be watching. Oh, what you are busy living a non-nerdy existence? Fine!

3) While on the TV stuff, Heroes this past week aired their best episode ever. I have always felt Heroes was a Lost-style copycat, albeit a decent one, but I have to admit they are doing an amazing job on these last few episodes. I will be catching up on last night's episode today, but does anyone else HATE the stupid recaps that they do at the start of the show? It is silly and unnecessary and treats the viewers like they cannot deduce anything from the show. Please! What are we? Idiots who just watch TV and don't read? Forget that, but please lose the recap.

Okay, I guess you can see the pattern here. I watch really geeky shows. But hey, I watch sports! Yeah...sports makes me cool, right? (Crickets, Crickets) Sigh. Well at least I am not on the Battlestar Galactica bandwagon yet. If I was, I would have to divorce my wife, throw out my contacts, start attending conventions and stop talking to girls. Hmmm, meeting George Takei might be worth it...N'aaaah!

Since I mentioned it, here is a Mr. Plow clip (Funniest line - "Who is watching TV at 3:17am? Alcoholics, the Unemployable, Angry Loners." HAHAHA!):

Roger Clemens is back as a Yankee. They will still suck.

2007-05-06T16:00:00.001-07:00

Roger Clemens announced today that he is once again returning to baseball, as a Yankee. While it was said that the he signed "a minor league contract", the money he is being paid is definitely MAJOR. A pro-rated $28M contract that works out to 4.5M a month, according to ESPN. Wow! Brian Cashman (Yankees GM) and Steinbrenner? You can have me for $10,000 a month and I will clean up the locker room after the games. C'mon guys, you could use the other $4,490,000 to buy your wives something nice. I will even throw in Russ Ortiz - we don't need him anymore. (Psst...My email address is over there--->)

Apparently, Houston thought they had a really good shot at having "The Rocket" back but obviously Roger was wooed by the cash. Houston GM, Drayton McClane said he was "disappointed" by Clemen's choice. The Astros definitely need some help, but are you kidding, dude? The Yankees just saved you a crapload of cash that you probably didn't have anyway. Unless you have some of that dirty Enron money left over that was stolen from us. Pricks.

To be honest, I respect Roger Clemens career but I have never liked his attitude. I always remember how he challenged Bonds to take off his "armor", the arm/elbow protector he wears, to "make things even" before they faced each other a few years back. He did actually hit Bonds on his elbow guard in that game. Prick.

That all being said, Future Hall of Famer or not, I don't think he is worth it. Not because I think he will suck, but because the Yankees suck. Their pitching and bullpen are in disarray and super ineffective and Clemens will not do much to help. Do you think Roger is going to pitch more than 5 innings a game at 44 with no spring training? The bullpen still has to come in sometime.

Like I said Yankees, your money is better spent on me. I will make the toilets look so clean in the Bronx that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to take a dump there. (Stolen from Full Metal Jacket. Sorry.). But hey, you showed your ~~utter desperation~~ commitment to field a winning team! Nice Job!

Blogged with Flock

The Clouds Have Parted. Lincecum Starts Tonight

2007-05-06T06:13:00.000-07:00

The title of this post is meant to be tongue in cheek, but if you are a Giants exec or part of the baseball media, you would actually mean it. So who the hell is Tim Lincecum and why is he so awesome and better than you? Well, the reasons are probably endless but we will start with the obvious:

In five Fresno starts, he went 4-0 with a 0.29 ERA — 31 innings, one earned run. He had twice as many strikeouts, 46, as walks and hits allowed, 23.

FOX Sports - MLB - Lincecum should be with Giants now

Non-baseball people, those are monster numbers, trust me. All right, I am sold already. But the Giants and the media acting like this is Jesus coming down and taking the mound - BTW, J.C. would definitely be a pitcher if he were around today because we all know Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball.

Anyway, the Giants sent me an email announcing Lincecum's possible start tonight a few days ago and said:

Right-hander Tim Lincecum, who has overmatched the Pacific Coast League with Triple-A Fresno, is the probable starter for Sunday's series finale against the Philadelphia Phillies at AT&T Park.

Overmatched? Okay, but he has made 4 starts! I wonder how those same hitters would do against him now that they have seen his stuff. Look, I understand that hype is what puts asses in the seats, but it worries me that it just leads to big disappointment.

Additionally, my brother sent me this article from FoxSports in which columnist Ken Rosenthal practically kisses the feet of Lincecum and calls him the second coming. He also has quotes from some unnamed executives from the Giants and other rival teams; My brother's favorite (and mine, I have to admit) being:

"The kid has poise, moxie, and most importantly he has that dawg in him. The dawg meaning, ‘If you really think I'm too small or my delivery is not textbook, try hitting my s---.'"

FOX Sports - MLB - Lincecum should be with Giants now

Dawg? What is this American Idol? "You are doing your thing, Dawg!" But hey, that is a quote from a baseball executive? Why did I go to college? Sheesh, I really missed my calling.

Anyway, the point I am getting at is that I am absolutely excited about Lincecum's debut tonight. I just wish the media and the Giants themselves would ease up on the hype. Lincecum has already got to be crapping his pants right now because they decided to make his major league debut on ESPN's nationally televised Sunday Night Baseball game. Why add to his stomach problems by announcing to the world that he is the best thing since sliced bread? MMMM...sliced bread.

I hope that whatever happens tonight, we don't screw up this kid's head or worse, his arm. A lot of other debuts have ended later in the season with arm problems and reconstructive surgery. Can anyone say Kerry Wood or Francisco Liriano?

Good Luck Tim! Relax and just pitch. I mean, c'mon, all you have to do is pitch better than Russ "Your elbow is hurt and you are going on the DL whether you like it or not" Ortiz! My 5 year old nephew could do that! I would be more concerned about trying to hide your middle name as long as you can. LeRoy? Chuckle, chuckle.

(Props to my brother Sal for the heads up on the FoxSports article)

TGIF Fun! (Learn to Tie Your Shoes Properly)

2007-05-04T15:20:00.000-07:00

This video is fun. This guy ties his shoe without using his hands! Big wow. I can pee without using my hands too. It gets a bit messy, but that is why we have a cleaning woman. Enjoy!

Dallas Goes Down! NBA History! Why Am I Yelling!

2007-05-04T13:31:00.000-07:00

Unless you live under a rock (or live outside the Bay Area or maybe don't give a flying f**k about basketball or sports), the Warriors pulled off NBA history last night with their 1st round playoff series win over the Dallas Mavericks. The team with the best record in the NBA (67 wins! - damn), a League MVP candidate (Dirka Dirka Nowitski), an owner with a lot of time and cash on his hands (Marko Cubano - let's make him sound more Latino!) and that had seven games to try to knock us "midgets who didn't deserve to be there" out.

Well, having the best record doesn't mean s**t, the so-called MVP was neutralized or didn't step up - most people seem to agree on the latter, Cuban just made the games that much more entertaining and absolutely helped us more than his team, and having the seven games still didn't help Dallas keep up with the Warriors! In fact, that is why we made history! No 8th seeded team has EVER beaten a 1 seed in a seven game series! Sweet!

The funniest thing that came out of all of this was watching all the celebrity reaction shots that TNT would cut to during Game 6. Snoop Dogg wearing the Warrior jersey was a big surprise. I am sure it was just for show, but I don't care. Last night's game put the Warriors and the Bay Area on world's radar once again and I LOVE it! Go ahead Woody Harrelson, smoke some hemp with Snoop and Owen Wilson while Kate Hudson massages Baron Davis' sore hamstring. Ahhhh, the celebrity life...

But hey, I don't need to party with the stars. I got to watch this game in HDTV and in its entirety because my wonderful wife took care of my (too cute! - I don't care if you are tired of hearing it) daughter AND put her to bed. She is the best. Thanks Lauren! Kate Hudson hasn't seen her kid in like a week and a half because she has been hanging out with the Warriors. I am glad you are more dedicated.

Congratulations Warriors! I don't care how far you go from this point on. You guys are the most exciting thing out there right now and we are lucky to just be watching. 2nd round, here we come!

I would be re-miss in not closing with: In your face Charles Barkley! And your money is always welcome in the Bay Area, Mark Cuban. In fact, feel free to hang around town and watch the 2nd round. You will have nothing else to do anyway. Hee Hee.

NBA - Dallas Mavericks/Golden State Warriors Recap Thursday May 3, 2007 - Yahoo! Sports

Cha Cha arrested with the Mota and the Yeyo

2007-05-02T14:17:00.000-07:00

Sadly, Giants Hall of Famer Orlando Cepeda - AKA the Baby Bull, AKA Cha Cha - was arrested early this morning for speeding and had:

...marijuana, a syringe and a powder believed to be either cocaine or methamphetamine were seized from the vehicle. The driver, later identified as Cepeda, was not found to be under the influence of drugs. (From the San Jose Mercury News)

Orlando is 69 and this doesn't seem to match his profile. Okay, pot fits everyone's profile these days, but Meth or Coke? That is pretty hardcore for a guy his age. Also, he was clocked at driving 83mph?! What 69 year old drives that fast?! Not the ones I am stuck behind.

Good Luck, Orlando. Those are some tough charges to overcome but I hope it is just a "misunderstanding". (You know that is what his response will be).

Tomorrow's headlines are gonna suck. I can see them now: "Another Giant has drug problems" or "Bonds not the only Giant allegedly taking illegal substances". Argh! Worst of all, the media might say Bonds drives recklessly. That would really suck.

BTW, Mota = Spanish slang for Marijuana, Yeyo = Spanish slang for "Cocaine". I do not know if there is a Spanish slang word for Meth (and I don't wanna know, frankly - that stuff is scary). But, this is about the most Spanish you will ever get out of me. Ask my mom. She can barely understand my broken, Spanglish talk. How embarrassing.

(Props to my sis, Lizzie, for tipping me off to this story!)

So much Going On, My DVR is full and I am out of Sorts

2007-05-02T11:05:00.000-07:00

While I am sure you would rather hear more details of Britney's super secret performance last night in San Diego (I am sure she was still there after attending the Democratic Debates...) or Conan O'Brien being in town (ZZZzzzz) or the SF International Film Festival (No, Spiderman 3 is not on the bill) or Gasoline transport safety (Who knew you could be a 2-time felon and still can get approved to haul hazardous materials? Sweet!) or the Warriors losing Game 5 when they came back from 21 points down, then fell apart (I am not worried...Oh geez my leg is suddenly spasming). But no! You are here reading about my boring opinions and life. Yea!

So I have been so obsessed with the Warriors' playoffs, baseball season and my daughter's "off -the-charts" cuteness that, lately, that the rest of the world has faded away. I know, WAAAA!, your life is so messed up by HDTV and a great family life, WAAAA! But hey, I am not complaining! I am just pointing out that I am out of sorts. I haven't been able to watch Heroes yet, all of my HGTV shows are backlogged, I missed the Sopranos on Sunday and I have not seen all of Entourage this week. Throw in the fact that we don't get to go to as many baseball games as we used to and never get to see any first run movies. I will answer this one for you: Boo Hoo.

I know all of you out there think I am f**king nuts. "Bush vetoed the Iraq Bill and the ~~ill-advised invasion based on bad information and complete and utter lies~~ war continues with no apparent end in sight and YOU are out of sorts because of a couple of trivial things!" Unfortunately yes; I am being honest. But look, the war in Iraq has left me off kilter since its inception so those yucky feelings never leave my brain and body. When I read about it, I physically want to punch myself sometimes because I feel so angry and guilty at the same time. My response is to keep as much abreast of it as I can before that ill feeling washes over me. I believe it is the same feeling we all get when we hear ~~that idiot~~ the President speak. Trust me, I am not completely nuts. Don't you think? Actually don't answer that.

But, you see, this is my blog and I am allowed to talk about whatever I want! Woo Hoo! Trivial, meaningless or simply my (sniff!) feelings. Fortunately for me, I have a lovely family and get extreme enjoyment from Sports and HD cable TV programming, that the horrible things in the world don't bring me too far down and destroy my hope for a brighter future for my beautiful daughter. I am already a pessimist (just a bit!) and this trivial stuff centers me - well, almost. I applaud those of you who can balance it all. Sadly, that is not me. And I know you all want to be me! Admit it! C'mon!

Special Shout Out

2007-05-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

I gave my Giants tickets to my sister and her best friend Ronnie last night. Sadly, they lost. But my sis told me some stuff that I have to give props to Ronnie for:

Ronnie refused to leave the game to check on the Warriors score (like most fans did apparently). That is the kind of dedication I like to hear when we give our tickets to friends!
He was bothered by the fan who has the seats behind us (Sect 127 Row 10), because the guy is a blabbermouth. There are a few guys like this around us, but I am here to say, I agree with Ronnie! Why would you go to a game and NOT sit there and watch it! I understand some basic game-related chatter and cheering but, dude, relax and enjoy. So, Mr. Sec 127 Row 10, please button it up. No one needs the constant commentary. Thank you.

Since I am sure Ronnie does not want his image shown on this dumb blog, I have blacked out his face. But for your imagination, picture George Clooney meets George Lopez. Oh, you can't? Too bad for you...

Warriors Win Again - Charles Barkley Wrong Again

2007-04-30T11:24:00.000-07:00

The Warriors/Mavericks playoff games have been just unbelievable. Golden State won Game 4, lead the series 3-1 and are in an excellent position to make the second round! For Non-Sports fans - Wow, what about that freeway collapse in Oakland, huh? Hmmm. I am sorry, I don't live in the East Bay; I could care less. Let's get back to Baron Davis' 33 point barrage! Okay, maybe that was wrong. I will list my detailed transportation detour info in my next post to make up for it.

Meanwhile, I have been watching the national feed (on TNT) of the games and you can't help but notice that Charles Barkley, ex-NBA star and now terrible basketball analyst, just simply hates the Bay Area and the Warriors. Why? Seriously, does anyone know why? I have done some research and cannot determine the reason he hates us so much. He has said: the Warriors are "midgets", Dallas would sweep the series after Game 1, repeatedly calls this series the "a national nightmare" and every time they mention the Bay Area, he would make some rude comment like "I would rather live on Alcatraz than San Francisco or Oakland". WTF?!

The good news is that TNT and the other analysts are ribbing Barkley about his "hating" but I really wonder what the deal is. Help me out if you know any info; I am confused. Is it that he just keeps making predictions about the Warriors/Dallas series and he keeps getting proven wrong? I mean, c'mon, he is rarely correct about anything he says, let alone the majority of his stats and predictions. It has to be deeper than that, right?

Oh well, Golden State kicked butt and proved that idiot wrong again. Yea! Keep eating your Krispy Kreme doughnuts until you bust out of your Dallas jersey - which looking at him lately, will be really soon. You keep calling us the "luckiest team ever" all you want. Do you think we care? We are just happy to be in the postseason at all. But if you think that Baron Davis is lucky, then you must be seriously retarded. In fact, that is an insult to retards. You couldn't win an event at the Special Olympics in the current shape you are in. We are up 3-1 against your Dirk Nowitski-lovin ass! In your face, Kojak!

For your enjoyment, watch Baron Davis' half court shot to beat the buzzer below. It was sweet! Game 5 is Tuesday. If you miss it, YOU are the retard. Man, Corky (from Life Goes On) is gonna kick my a** if he reads this.

Mark Cuban - The Warriors 6th Man

2007-04-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

For those of us out there following this amazing Warriors postseason series, we are getting some of the most exciting basketball the Bay Area has probably ever seen in our lifetimes (well my short - YES SHORT lifetime at least). I know I can't help but secretly love the reaction shots of Mark Cuban, the Mavs owner, in the stands. Game 1 was just filled with Cuban yelling, pointing and probably pissing his pants at almost ever play that didn't go Dallas' way. So Great!

However, Games 2 & 3 had a sudden shrink in Cuban's airtime. I saw maybe 1 or 2 reaction shots each game of Cuban. No screaming or pointing this time but just a couple of stoic looks and arms folded in frustration. Still good, but not as satisfying. I figured one of two things happened: 1) Cuban called TNT/ESPN or the NBA and requested the broadcasters focus on the game, not him or 2) He is trying to self-police himself because he sees how ridiculous he looks. Either way, something is different.

Funny thing is, Josh Howard (his own player) now believes his antics are hurting the team (from AOL Sports Blog) and you wonder if this was the bigger effect on the change:

ESPN's Henry Abbott: What about Mark Cuban's antics on the sidelines? Dirk Nowitzki has suggested it might not be good for the team. You think it hurts the team?

Howard: Yeah. Put yourself in the referee's shoes. He's there constantly yelling. The coach is yelling. The crowd is yelling. Sometimes players are yelling. That's a lot. Plus he sends those video tapes in to the league. I understand he wants what's best for our team. I have no problem with it. But at the end of the day, it does hurt our team.

Ouch!

You know, I have no idea what the Warrior's owner looks like and it is fine with me. I am sure it is the same reason you do not see Chris Mullin, Warrior VP and (great) former player, hanging around the bench or sitting in the stands every game. I would imagine it would be hard to not look at his reaction or have him second guessing everything.

The NBA is sure giving the Warriors some nice support lately as well. NBA Commissioner David Stern was at the game Friday and so was snoozer colorman/NBA Hall of Famer Bill Walton. Both (especially Walton) gave the Warriors fans and team a pretty solid ~~ass kissing~~ love fest. Great if you are not a Dallas fan. Woo Hoo!

But hey, what do I care, I am Warriors fan. Go ahead and freak out all you want, Mark. All of us over in the Bay Area are loving it. NBA manangement and the broadcasters: feel free to show us all the love you want; We are eating it up. Game 4 is tonight! The game is a must win in my opinion to take the series. No worries, Bill Walton is going to stop by my place to tell me how great a fan I am. Pucker up, Bill!

Mark my words: Vinnie Chulk is DONE as a Giant

2007-04-28T22:56:00.001-07:00

I didn't get a chance to watch tonight's Giants game (except for the last inning or so), because I was fortunately having a lovely dinner with my best friend and our families. I say fortunate because I was spared the anger that probably would have caused me to kick Vinnie Chulk's face on my TV. Hmmm. I could get the satisfaction of kicking that loser's face and have a reason to shop for a new HDTV? Might have been worth it.

Seriously, take a look at this picture of Vinnie Chulk and remember where you heard it first. He will not be Giant much longer. In fact, this is probably the last time anyone will ever see him in a Giants' uniform. Why? Because this bum gave up yet another bunch of runs that led to the Giants losing in Arizona tonight 5-4. (On a positive note, Bonds hit Homer# 742!) Jack Taschner didn't help and is probably on the road to AAA by allowing a walk and 2 hits. But loser Chulk was the one who gave up the 3 RUN PINCH HIT HOMER to Scott Hairston that gave Arizona the game. Argh!

I know, who cares right? It is only a game and we can't win them all. But there is a difference between simply losing a game (like the Giants did last night) to just handing the your opponent the game on a silver platter and ONCE AGAIN screwing over the Giants most promising (and best on the staff) young pitcher, Matt Cain - he left the game with a 4-0 lead BTW. Poor Matt; He must feel cursed. Vinnie has chulked him for the last time I hope.

This is strike two for Ole Vinnie in this young season, as he also helped Matt Cain lose another start in Colorado. I wanted him gone after that performance and Bochy benched him for over a week after that game. A lot of people might say I am too rough, but trust me, Vinnie Chulk is beyond sucky. I have not seen anything good from him, ever. I feel there is room for improvement for some of the other bullpen guys like Taschner. But Vinnie, he needs to rethink baseball. Unless he decides he wants to clean AT&T Park. In that case, start learning Spanish right now, Vin.

Giants Brass, here is my final comment for you: As Alec Baldwin said in the (great!) Glengarry Glennross, "Do yourself a favor and fire his f**kin a** because a loser is a loser." Sorry Vinnie; I do actually feel bad for saying all these things but, BYE BYE.

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TGIF Fun! (At Bush's Expense)

2007-04-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

Today's TGIF Video is courtesy of my wife's, brother's wife. Hmmm. What does that make her? My kinda sister-in-law? Anyway, Thanks Niki! Since the Iraq Bill just passed through Congress successfully and our glorious Fuhrer Bush is planning a veto, this video is even more appropriate. This skit is from MadTV (I truthfully don't watch the show, but BRAVO!) and is quite hilarious. It is about 5 minutes long, but hang in there for the end since they show one of the first takes that did not go as planned. Nice! It is also a bit of knock at Steve Jobs and as some of you know he is not my favorite person right now. Bonus!

Okay, talking about politics makes my head hurt (I'll explain why in a future post maybe), then I start hitting my head, then I look like a deranged weirdo on BART. Enjoy!

Artie Lange Does The Alec Baldwin Voicemail

2007-04-24T09:47:00.000-07:00

Artie Lange was featured in my previous post on Barry Bonds, but today he further proved his genius by mimicing Alec Baldwin's now infamous voicemail to his daughter. I really feel this clip is just spectacular especially considering Artie only studied the lines that morning. Listen up and if you don't have Sirius Satellite Radio and the Howard Stern show, you are REALLY missing out.

BTW, I know Artie looks horrible. He is pushing 300 lbs. (a well discussed topic on the show) but he is still a genius. Just close your eyes and imagine Alec Baldwin.

(Click here or click play on the embedded Twango player below).

Play of the Game from the Warriors Playoff Win

2007-04-24T09:02:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post something about the Warriors amazing Game 1 victory vs Dallas this past Sunday, but I wanted to wait until I could find my favorite video clip from the game first. Baron Davis scores 31, Nice! Mark Cuban's angry reaction shots, F**cking Great! Jason Richardson blocks Devon Harris after he stole the ball from him and then Matt Barnes' hits a 3 pointer! Priceless! See the clip below! Next game is Wednesday night at 6:30pm. Be there!

An Outsider's Opinion on the Bonds' Homerun Chase

2007-04-23T11:04:00.000-07:00

Artie Lange, comedic sidekick extraordinaire from the Howard Stern Radio Show, commented today on how he feels regarding Bonds' chase towards Hank Aaron's hallowed 755 career homerun record (BTW, He is now 15 shy of tying it). Old Hammering Hank has already said he will NOT attend any game s when Bonds is close to tying or breaking the record. Sigh. While he says that it is because he has had "enough of it" and is too old to fly around the country, we all know WHY he really doesn't want to attend.

I am very saddened by the whole situation. As Artie points out in this clip (Here or click on the embedded Twango player below), he feels cheated by the way the country is completely indifferent about the chase. I have to agree with him. Everyone has their own opinion of Bonds, good and mostly, bad; also their own opinion of the whole steroid controversy. However, while I know I am biased, I don't understand how anyone cannot see that Bonds is absolutely one of the best players in the history of baseball, before the 73 homer season and after. But his career stats are all thrown out because of unproven allegations of steroid use. Sigh #2.

Okay, Bonds is probably an asshole. I don't know him personally nor do I claim to know that he is, but they, they being the media, have said it so many times that it could be true. BTW, have you been personally around or listened closely to the modern media today? They would not win any humanitarian awards either. In fact, they are pricks too. Look at how NBC News handled the pictures and tapes from the VA Tech killer. They had NO problem airing segments right away despite the consequences to the families or more importantly the possibility of encouraging others to do the same. (Future Killer: Oh, NBC will air my videos if I go on a rampage? Sure, I will do it!) My point is, I am sure this is a contributing factor to many people's lack of interest in the chase. Sigh #3.

Anyway, I liked hearing Artie's opinion today. It was a classy, well thought out opinion from a baseball fan outside of the San Francisco Bay Area. I am too close to the situation to not come off as a naive, Pro-Bonds idiot. Either way, MLB should f**king step up and cover this milestone the way it deserves to be celebrated. ESPN is trying and I hope they continue. Sadly, on the day he ties and/or breaks 755, I guess I will be the only one smiling from ear to ear and applauding, not just the record, but a great player reaching the pinnacle of his great career. Sigh #4...

Assorted Dumb Thoughts on a Rainy Saturday

2007-04-21T22:23:00.001-07:00

It has been overcast and/or raining all day here in the SF but I still found time to go out to some appointments and walk my daughter in the rain. So Much Fun! (We were held captive waiting for my wife at a doctor's appt. I could have been a dick and just drove off and left her there to her own devices, but that thought NEVER crossed my mind). Here it is, Saturday night, and I just thought I would post some stupid things I have been thinking about:

Giants win again and the Barry's, Zito and Bonds, were the keys to the victory. I have to admit our starting pitching is looking pretty impressive, top to bottom. I believe we are 2nd in the league in starting ERA, a great indicator of a solid rotation. Our bats are still the weak point and we always have to fear the Benitez factor. No it is not the recent theory about what is killing off the bees, it is the ever scary possibility of losing a game because our closer is sucky. I can't complain right now since we have officially reached that goal of mediocrity and the future looks brighter. (Yes, I said something positive, mark it in your calenders!)

A lot of you know that I am an rabid Howard Stern radio show fan. My wife and I have been Sirius Satellite radio subscribers from the minute he arrived. It is a great service, but I am not hear to sell you on it. Specifically, I am just here to say and celebrate that Sanjaya Malakar is no longer on the American Idol! Oh, not because I watch the show - I will admit to skimming it (mostly when my wife asks me too) and I DO watch the auditions (They are GREAT). But because hopefully this will stop Howard Stern from talking about him (and AI in general) on his show. Howard in conjunction with Votefortheworst.com were pushing Sanjaya because he was, obviously, the worst. Thank goodness it is over! I will miss only one thing, pictures of his hot Hooters' sister showing up on the Internet. Whoo! Anyway, good riddance, kid. Nothing personal. I would rather hear Howard talk about chess (yes he actually does) and you can guess how exciting that is. Go ahead and knock Sanjaya's big head! It will make you feel good.

The Warriors will play their first playoff game in 13 years tomorrow night and it should be a great series. We have owned Dallas during the regular season and Avery Johnson, the Dallas coach, was taught the ropes by OUR coach, the GREAT Don Nelson. Not to mention that Dallas is one of, if not THE, premier teams in the NBA. I urge you to check it out, 6:30pm on FSN Bay Area. I am fully aware it is Sopranos and Entourage night (HBO, simply awesome). The game should be over by then.

I saw that the trailer for The Bourne Ultimatum is online now. Looks cool. I don't know about you but I am big fan of this franchise. I think the movies are top quality action and I used to think Matt Damon was kind of a Streisand, but he rocks shit in these movies! (I apologize to Judd Apatow and Steve Carell for stealing that classic line from the 40 Year Old Virgin). But seriously, the movie is directed by Paul Greengrass, who also directed Supremacy and United 93 (amazing movie, BTW) and has become one of my new favorite directors. His handheld photography style bugs some people, but I think it rules. Check out the trailer and see what you think. I am definitely arranging for babysitting when this one comes out. Come join me! (Wow, why did it suddenly get so silent out there? Okay, forget it! Lauren you want to come with me, right? Lauren? Lauren...sigh).

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A Loner, 2 Losers and a Team Of Winners

2007-04-18T01:10:00.001-07:00

It is difficult to be the cynical dork that I am and make jokes after this guy decided to take out his odd rage on the Virginia Tech campus. I feel it is hard to make any kind of gun control argument in this specific case because anyone who is motivated (or crazy) enough to want to do something this horrible is likely to find a weapon any way he can. So Sad.

However, as the issue will likely be debated once again, I will offer my two cents. As someone who has never held a real gun and has no desire to, I cannot see why we still find it so difficult for the US to even consider some (even mild) form of gun control. I know by just mentioning those 2 words I will be picketed by Chuck Heston and his band of nuts, but I am tired of seeing incidents like this in the US while every other modernized country seems to have a grasp of the problem.

I am realistic. I know that any limitations will cause an uproar since the NRA cries like babies and quotes the 2nd amendment anytime we mention it, but c'mon, the numbers don't lie. We have BY FAR the largest number of gun deaths in the US versus, well, most countries combined. I would think any normal person would like to see some changes made to lessen this. You can hunt (I don't get it, but okay), go to the firing range (shoot that paper perp in the head!) or practice for the Biathlon (skiing and shooting?! I am there!), but why do we need to allow guns anywhere else? Okay, I have no need to step down from the soapbox, it just broke. Don't worry my biathlon training starts this weekend.

Look at these guys closely. No, they are not the winners I mentioned in the title. These 2 losers helped Matt Cain get a no decision after he pitched a nearly perfect 7 innings in the Giants loss(!) to the Rockies on Tuesday. Loser #1 is Vinnie Chulk. He gave up a homerun (to ex-Giant and waste of space, Steve Finley) then proceeded to allow 2 singles. He did pick off 1 of them but that was just luck. Loser #2 is Todd Linden. He misplayed a flyball that most major leaguers would have caught and allowed 3 RUNS to score (WTF!). Rockies win and Matt Cain is screwed again.

I am sure any Giants' fan out there knows the bullpen is our biggest weakness (with the offense being a close second) but it really bugs me in this case. Matt Cain is probably the best young pitcher to come out of our system in, geez, I can't even tell you when. He has the potential to be a Cy Young candidate and we just keep f**king up his chances at a wins he has clearly earned! Argh! Vinnie can Chulk on my Linden!

All right, enough Giant related ranting, let's talk about a good team:

If you have not been following the Warriors this season, I really think you have been missing out. Well, I guess if you read this blog for the tech and movie talk, etc. then you don't give a crap. But, hear me out dear readers, they have been a joy to watch. They are playing with such verve and camaraderie that I wish the Giants had. I also feel that way when I watch A's games. Barry Bonds' biggest weakness is not the way he is around the press, but rather his lack of leadership/team spirit that actually makes for a winning team. I really think he doesn't understand this at all. Too bad.

So the Warriors final game of the season is tonight in Portland after they spanked the Mavericks (even if they weren't really trying to play there A game. Thanks Avery Johnson!). There are some really sad combinations of consequences that could occur tonight to could spoil their chances of making to the playoffs, but the bottom line is: If they win tonight, they are in! This is a big deal in Warrior land as they have not made the postseason in 13 years! Man that is a long time.

Send your best vibes and wishes to them tonight in Portland. I am going to sound like a douche, but I really do believe they have proven themselves winners this season no matter what happens. (Hey, I am warming up my sincere positivity for when my daughter gets older.) We will be watching you Warriors. We appreciate the great season! Now...Come out to PLAAAA-EEEE-AAAAAY! (see the clip below and you will understand that last joke - and if you haven't seen the movie The Warriors, then you should be publicly flogged. Really.)

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Rain outs might cool off the hot bats (Thank Goodness the Warriors play indoors)

2007-04-15T11:31:00.001-07:00

Today's Giants/Pirates doubleheader has been postponed due to rain again. Too Bad. It looked like the Giants bats were finally getting on track this past Friday. Bonds went 3-3 and hit 2 homers (the fans were classy and surprisingly supportive) and Russ Ortiz didn't look half bad (we'll forget about the 9th inning 3 run homer he gave up - he was tired).

Those are the kinds of games you like see put a team in a groove especially since we have not had any other signs of one as yet. And against a sucky team like the Pirates. Perfect time for a win streak. Oh well. The good news is the pitching staff and bullpen will be very well rested for the Rockies and St. Louis. They will need it at Coors Field, humidor or not, and against the far superior Cardinals. Good luck guys.

For me it is actually a good thing that the games were rained out because the Warriors are playing the T-Wolves today at 12:30pm in their surprising run at the last playoff spot. Hilariously, the Lakers have lost 4 IN A ROW and are in danger of falling out of the playoff picture themselves. I don't care if we get our butts kicked in the playoffs, it would be nice to see them and the Clippers make it, leaving Kobe's ass in the dust. Woo Hoo!

BTW, while listening to (Not televised! That seriously sucks a**) some hoops, tune in once and a while to the A's/Yankees game (in HD!). (Wow, a Warriors game and an A's/Yankees game at the same time in Oakland?! Don't even think of driving anywhere NEAR that area today!) It has been a really great series with each team pulling out a win in extra innings. Daniel watching A's games? Yes, I am married with a toddler! What do you think I am doing at night? Dining at Boulevard?!

Go Warriors! Go A's (did I just type that?). Well I really don't give a crap if the A's win or lose but I have to choose them over the Yanks. "It is sunny out", you say? Don't worry I will be outside sooner or later. I am gonna need a sandwich while I watch me some sports! Yea!

UPDATE: The Warriors won (nice!) and I hope you watched the A's game...They won on a 2 out, bottom of the 9th inning walk off homer by Marco Scutaro off of Mariano Rivera! For those who don't know, Rivera has been one of the premier closers in the league for quite a while. Great 3 game series. What the hell is a Marco Scutaro anyway? It sounds so fake. It is like that boyfriend bullfighter Elaine made up in a Seinfeld episode: Eduardo...Corrochio! All of you out there go ahead and try it, just add an "o" to the end of your first and last name. I will do the first example: Gavino Newsomo. Okay, so this game lost steam pretty quick, but please humor me.

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TGIF Fun! (At Apple's Expense)

2007-04-13T09:20:00.001-07:00

In light of today's news of Apple delaying the release of the next OS which I ranted about earlier, I give you some fun entertainment for a Friday. I love this video by Hunter Cressel! Enjoy!

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Apple delays Leopard OS until October? WTF!

2007-04-13T06:58:00.001-07:00

I have long been a Windows/PC user since I started ~~nerding it up~~ working on a computer. If you use a PC for your job or want to play decent multiplayer games, it is a no-brainer that you will be using a windows based system. My friend Rick has been touting the virtues of Macs to me for years and has even dragged (well not dragged, but he definitely might have slipped me a micky) to a MacWorld conference. He might as well change his name to Rick Jobs. I always felt Apple's products were well designed and hey, Microsoft has been trying to pretty up Windows (to no success) to OS X's standards for years.

So when Apple decided to switch to Intel-based architecture (used by IBM-based PC's since their inception) in last few years, I was sold. The possibilities were endless. You could have the benefits of a "cool" Mac OS such as better tools for video, photos and music but have the ability to dual boot (Non-computer geeks: this means you can load Windows on it and choose, at startup, which operating system you would like use) a Windows-based OS such as XP for business apps and games. Very nice!

My decision was made, but as some of you may know, Apple charges a bit of premium on their pretty little machines. I could buy a powerful Dell Laptop with Vista for about $1500. A comparable Mac laptop would cost about $2700+! Taking that into consideration, I figured I would wait until Apple released the newest version of their OS called Leopard. Why buy now when I may just want to upgrade it a few months later?

BUT NOOOOOOOOO! Apple went ahead and announced today that they pulled engineers off of the Leopard development teams to finalize the f**king IPhone! WTF! (No, I will not stop screaming!)

iPhone contains the most sophisticated software ever shipped on a mobile device, and finishing it on time has not come without a price — we had to borrow some key software engineering and QA resources from our Mac OS X team, and as a result we will not be able to release Leopard at our Worldwide Developers Conference in early June as planned. While Leopard's features will be complete by then, we cannot deliver the quality release that we and our customers expect from us. We now plan to show our developers a near final version of Leopard at the conference, give them a beta copy to take home so they can do their final testing, and ship Leopard in October. We think it will be well worth the wait.

Apple - Hot News

C'mon! Who the hell cares about the IPhone?! I don't even use Cingular's crappy network and the last thing I need is to carry that behemoth on BART and get jacked because everyone and their mother will be able to see it bulging in my pocket! (Sorry for the run-on and the yelling again.) Do yourself a favor everyone, buy a MotoKRZR. The battery life on the IPhone will last from your house until you reach work. Tops.

I am not waiting until f**kin October. I am pricing Dells starting today. Good work, Apple. You had me, then lost me. It was a short love affair. Well at least on my end, I know you weren't interested in me anyway. You'll see. I just started my new workout regiment and you WILL want me by October.

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Howard Stern predicts Imus' Demise

2007-04-12T14:52:00.001-07:00

Don Imus is officially toast. CBS fired him today for his stupid comments about the Female Rutgers basketball team. Any intelligent person might have been able to finesse their way out of this situation, but obviously, Ole Donny Boy is not. The kiss of death was his appearance on Al Sharpton's radio show. Boy did he sound like a complete buffoon. I heard the clips all week on the Howard Stern Radio show on Sirius Radio.

Speaking of that, Howard Stern predicted he would be fired by tomorrow (Link here or audio clip below) on his show today and has been eating up this story all week. He and Robin Quivers, his newsperson, used to work at NBC when Don was there and say they witnessed his bigoted jerkiness first hand.

Since I have never listened to Don Imus before, I can't say I care either way. Goodbye Don. Not many of us ever knew you, but thanks for making the Howard Stern show extra entertaining this week.

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Week One of Mediocrity

2007-04-11T06:58:00.001-07:00

I apologize to the non-sports fan readers out there for the baseball heavy coverage here lately. But this was opening week goshdarnit and oh, what an exciting week it has been! (Crickets, Crickets) Well for the Warriors maybe but not for the other local sports teams. The Clippers lost last night putting the Warriors for at least today, in the final playoff spot with 4 games to play. Nice!

This post title does not refer to me, that would be week 1872 of mediocrity, but rather to the Giants. In fact, go ahead and apply it to most teams in the NL (or the A's, for that matter) and you would be correct. You can be in first place in the NL Central right now with 4 wins or you can play just 4 games all week (because of 10' of snow falling in Cleveland) like the Indians, and be leading the division. Yes, let's all pray for some snow in SF this next homestand. We could use the time for quiet reflection.

We actually did pull out a win last night, just barely. Every time I want to believe that, MAYBE, Armando Benitez (our "beloved" closer) might be improving, he goes on another hanging slider rampage. For those not familiar with the famous hanging slider in baseball, it is basically like a batting practice pitch thrown by a 50 year old coach. The batter's eyes get wide with excitement and the ball travels very far. Ouch!

So Benitez gave up another 2 runs on that "hanging slider homer" in the 9th and we would have lost the game. Earlier in the game we got a 2 run gift because Mike Cameron, the Padres centerfielder, lost an easy fly ball in the lights. If he makes that catch, we lose 5-4. F**kin Armando Benitez. The hilarious thing is that the Chronicle is comparing us to the '03 Dodgers, a team that couldn't score runs to save their lives, but had a really great pitching staff. I can go with it except that Armando Benitiz is no Eric Gagne. In fact, Armando Benitez is no major leaguer. I don't think he could strike out my 5-year old nephew.

To combat our scoring anemia, Manager Bochy made some good moves in the lineup. Benching Pedro "Peter Happy" Feliz and moving Bonds to 4th in the lineup. It seemed to work although 4 "real" runs is not exactly an explosive change, but it is better than ONE.

On the topic of Peter Happy or as my wife calls him, "The Junkie Bum", he has to GO. I don't mean just off the team but out of baseball entirely. He can't hit, he can't field, he can't run the bases. He probably can't read or write. Who knows?! You know, they put cows to pasture when they are no longer productive - so Pedro, buy a farm in the Domincan and start grazing. Please?

It is WAY too early to panic. I think most of us expected a .500 team this year so we have something to strive for still. At 2-6, I guess technically we are below mediocrity, but we will get there! How is that for positive thinking?

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Fight Night at the Park

2007-04-09T22:10:00.001-07:00

I have been getting emails from the HP Pavilion periodically about upcoming events and many of those emails have been titled, "Fight Night at The Tank". It was the first thing that came to mind when I was thinking about my experience at Friday's Giants/Dodgers game. (Sorry, I didn't get any camera phone shots this time, but I figured we all love seeing A.J. getting punched. Argh, that trade!)

This was my first game of the year with the family (my daughter and my wife) and it turned out that was a bad choice. (Note to self, "Rockies vs Giants game = empty stadium and sedate, almost indifferent, fans") In my "Wonderful Day..." post last week, you could see that the night before was a perfect baseball experience. There were many Padres fans out, including the fake Spartan, and everyone was civil and friendly. But put idiot Dodger fans and easily provoked Giants fans together and you get the exact opposite situation.

I wasn't sure how it started but my wife had to alert me to the situation. "Those guys are starting to fight", she said. So I looked over to seats right across from us and saw one Dodger fan in his complete "Blue", jacket, hat and all, having an exchange of words with a 20-ish Giants fan and his father. The younger Giants fan, we'll call him Young Creep, was already standing and calling out Dodger Creep. Dad Creep then stands and starts swearing, although I can't hear what he was saying. Dodger Creep then stands with his arms spread widely in the "Here I am, Come get some" stance. Dad Creep then shoves Dodger Creep. Uh-oh. It is starting.

Of course at this point, you would expect security, an usher, or anyone for that matter to at least arrive to help. Nothing. Of course, it escalates out of control. Especially when I hear the Dodger creep say, "You know what? F**k You and F**k You!" No, he wasn't talking to my wife and daughter.

Not many people have seen a REAL fight in person and I will tell you, it is rough. These guys were pummeling each other and for a split second you are oddly fascinated by the spectacle. My sister, who was sitting in the Club Level and have a fairly good view of our section, later told me that all she saw was a guy reaching back and punching hard. Yup, I saw it too, but I was 2 feet away.

So after the surrealness dissipated, it occurred to me that I was holding my 17 month old daughter and my wife was even closer to the melee. The pile and blows were now coming our way and I was starting to get angry at the other fans around me. Quite a few joined in on the "Beat LA" chant (What retards!) and NOBODY had even considered the idea of helping separate these buffoons.

So...the Pile of Creeps was on my wife at this point and partially on me while I covered my daughter. Thankfully, it was brief and none of us were hurt (save for a crying baby). But finally I noticed 2 ushers! "Good", I thought, somebody is finally going to help. No dice. They just watched while more punches landed. I guess it didn't help that at least one of them was, well, older than my mom. Somehow, soon after, it broke up and one of the ushers pushed down the Dodger Creep. Wow, nice work.

No cops arrived and my wife overheard the usher saying something about going upstairs and "talking about it". Are you kidding?! Talk about what? I would think a bloody fistfight = immediate ejection. Not to the Ushers at AT&T Park apparently. In the end, we escaped to the Club Level and found solace with my 3 sisters, who all happened to be at the game as well, thankfully. They definitely made us feel better.

Bottom Line: The Ushers/Security policy at AT&T Park is non-existent. No one is properly trained to deal with these situations nor physically capable to handle it. I don't expect anyone to put themselves in danger but at least call someone who can help break it up! Also, the response time was really piss poor. C'mon, how about arriving before my wife has to start cracking skulls? I have seen her...She will.

Additionally, I remember why I HATE watching Dodger/Giants games in person. Too many idiots take it WAY too seriously. Fighting over a baseball rivalry? Geez. I didn't even get angry when one of my old girlfriends try to kick me in the, um, "family jewels". Oh crap! My family and friends read this blog! I meant, when some BIG DUDE stepped on my Pumas, once. I let him go with a polite warning.

Get your S**t together Giants Management. I will not stand for this again. Oh, you want a piece of me?! Try me, punks! Seriously, I am a pacifist and the Giants need to make some serious changes. That fight could have grown beyond a few idiotic creeps. I am not retelling this story to "protect the children" or to point out the alcohol problems at sporting events. It would just be nice to sit and enjoy a game and hope that if some argument does ensue, that we can count on some timely help.

I know! You can increase the price of hot dogs again to pay for some extra cops! $10 for a Super Dog! $15 Ghiradelli Sundaes! We will all be dumb enough to pay it. Yes, I know the food issue is a sore subject with me. No need to remind me.

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Comments, Comments, Comments

2007-04-08T21:41:00.001-07:00

I just noticed a couple of things:

1) I was looking through my blog's settings and doing some maintenance on Friday when I noticed that, by default, Blogger forces people to be registered users to in order to be able to post comments! Argh! Of course that is probably not the reason that more people weren't posting. I have 3-4 readers for christsakes! But seriously, I have turned off that requirement (sorry!) and you should now be able to comment to your hearts content, even anonymously. I know it is wishful thinking but I LOVE the comments! Bad or Good. Keep 'em coming.

2) Despite how difficult it used to be to comment, I got a nice one from the peeps at Flock! I reviewed their browser a few weeks ago and Evan, the Flock Community Ambassador, was nice enough to thank me in my comments. I wish I had a cool title like that. My job title sounds okay I guess, but an Ambassador?! Much cooler. That's it. From now on, I demand you all call me by my new title: Ambassador of Database Operations. I don't care if doesn't make sense; I am rolling with it! Seriously, Thanks Evan!

Wait. Does that make 5 readers?! Woo Hoo!

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A Wonderful Day Off (almost ruined by the Giants Bullpen)

2007-04-06T07:56:00.001-07:00

Yes. It is unbelievable. I actually did NOT work yesterday. That probably means nothing to most of you because it is not like you are at my job and know my work life. Of course, you also could probably care less because you feel like YOU work pretty darn hard too. But, I tell you in all honesty, it has been increasingly more difficult at my job to take any personal time off. I know, Waaa, Waaa...pass me the pacifier.

So with my mother babysitting and my wife working, I was able to have some private time. No, not that you pervs! I snuck in a nap (a serious commodity when you have a kid - they should trade THAT on Wall Street) , put in a little computer time, found time to install new blinds in my daughter's room and was finally able to see a first run movie! Yea! Hello...Hey, wake up out there! I am not finished.

So not only did I get to see 300 on the IMAX (sweet!) but I also had the additional luxury (Thanks Lauren!) of going to the Giants/Padres game last night. This was my first game this year and it was a lot to soak in. I will skip over the food prices discussion for now since that will definitely be a FULL post. (Wow.) But I will point out some of the cool things about what I love about going to a ballgame.

First, that 103' HD screen they put in place of the scoreboard is AWESOME! I know what you are thinking. "IMAX and a 103 foot screen? This nerd has serious issues." So I love a nice clear picture. Eat me. Anyway, besides that, you can't beat a good ballpark hotdog, a few fries (not a big fan of the garlic version, but good nontheless) and good company.

I went with my friend Annie and we had quite a nice time chatting about THIS guy. (BTW, all the images on my blog can be viewed in larger size by clicking them.) It was an odd thing seeing 300 and then seeing this bizarre Padres fan prance around in his faux loincloth, bed sheet cape and Turkey Pan shield. Do I need to add a punchline here? I mean look at those pictures!! I can't explain what the Giants fan is doing so don't ask me. Those are his issues to work out. But I also bumped into some old high school friends and caught up with their lives. Another odd thing since they both now work in the, EARMUFFS...Adult industry. I better just stop there.

But to cap it all off the Giants won! I rarely leave games before they're officially over, however, since I am going to tonight's game (Giants/Dodgers Baby!) as well, I figured, we are leading 5-1, it is 2 outs in the 8th, "Let's beat the crowds and take off early." I am SO glad I did. I was saved the worry and panic that would have set in had I witnessed in person, the bullpen trying its best to ruin MY day, I mean, the Giants first victory of 2007. Thankfully, I saw the stuff I missed on my Comcast DVR and we pulled the game out on a Benitez (hanging!) slider. (Ronnie, step down off the ledge! We won!)

Saved from the horror, I rode home (a long ride on public transportation), listening to music on my MotoKRZR (I love that phone!) thinking how wonderful my day had been. Men in loincloths (or whatever those guys were wearing) and live baseball. Does it get any better?

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Opening Day! We've got the touch! We've got the POWER!

2007-04-03T11:00:00.001-07:00

Here we are. The onset of a new, exciting season of Giants baseball. Today, we begin the Barry's Era (Zito and Bonds), on their continuing paths to greatness. Yes, it will be an ERA. Bonds will play as a Giant until he is 50! They traded Jason Ellison so it might just happen at this point.

More importantly for me is that baseball is back! The Warriors have (surprisingly) thoroughly entertained me this winter, but I just don't feel the same about the OTHER B-Ball. I have missed you baseball. Come here and give me a big hug...Ahhhh. For you homophobes out there, I pictured baseball looking like Katherine McPhee. So there!

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, so the Giants begin their season today vs the 2006 NL West Champs, the Padres. Boy do they look nothing like the team they were last year. I think we could beat these guys considering we have their 3rd base coach, their old first baseman, one of their outfielders and, oh, their manager! YOUR..SF...PADRES! Woo Hoo!

Well, I say, "Good luck boys!" God speed and bring home that big ole trophy that has not seen the light of day in SF...well, EVER. Raise your plastic schedule cups everyone and lets wish them our best! They will need our support this year, especially around the late innings. Ready? All at the same time, "We believe in you, Giants!" Feels good huh?! No. Well, we tried...

...It is in your hands now Giants. We love ya.

Now for inspiration:

Alternative Browsers and a Drool-Worthy LCD TV

2007-03-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

I was reading a PC World article not too long ago about browser add-ons (which is another topic I should cover in the future), but they mentioned a couple of new browsers on the scene that I wanted to try out. Both browsers are based on the same gecko/mozilla open source code as Firefox (currently the best browser. Period), but have their own personality, if you will. While K-Meleon is a pretty sweet and has had a longer development history, I found Flock much speedier, elegantly designed and very cool with pictures and blogging. I am a little biased since I have just started ~~boring people~~ blogging, but nonetheless just for speedy browsing it is sweet!

Besides speed, one of Flock's nicest features is a built-in PhotoBar that allows you to quickly see, upload and share photos on either Flickr and Photobucket. (I personally do not use either service currently, but they offer free basic accounts). For people who want to share or have an online storage space for photos this is a convenient way to manage them. The bar is completely drag and drop, even on other community websites like EBay, MySpace and Blog sites. Pretty nice.

The most impressive feature is definitely the search box. It is located in the upper right, just like most of today's browsers, but it is a bit more powerful. The Search box pops up a menu and performs a LIVE auto-complete as you type! Very cool. Additionally cool is that it searches within your favorites, your history and the web and allows you to select additional search engines further down on the list! Nerd excitement is very satisfying sometimes. Ahhh...But seriously, it is a great design and fun browser to use. I strongly recommend you check it out. (Flock Website)

Lauren and I have this new Sunday ritual, we go over to our local Starbucks and we dig through the newspaper bin for pieces of the Sunday paper that we want to read. Hey, why pay for the paper when 12 other people have already dumped their copy in the bin at Starbucks? Okay, so we look like a couple of homeless people digging for newspaper to light a fire with...No one is asking you to come with us!

So I was looking through the Circuit City ad, and I came across a really awesome sounding LCD TV. While it is only 32 inches, it had some of the best specs I've ever seen on a TV of ANY size. I know it is not the 103 foot HD screen they just put up at AT&T Park, but if want a screen that size then you might want to look at a new sports car instead to work out those penis issues. Anyway, it is a Sharp AQUOS, already a good start, with a 10,000: 1 contrast ratio (awesome!) and most importantly, the capability to display 1080p! - 1080P?! Why am I the only one who's ever excited about this stuff? Shutup, I am not a geek! You are! - 1080p is the highest resolution (1920 x 1080) HD picture available today and is usually reserved for TVs that are 40 inches in size or higher.

Of course it has all of the standard ports - 2 HDMI, Component etc. But get this, it only costs $1260! (My friend Rick just passed out.) It has very minor drawbacks such as no PC inputs and no picture in picture capability. I am the only person who probably cares about that kinda stuff though. And for that price? What do you expect? A diamond encrusted case? If you are looking for an HDTV and don't need the best or biggest on the market, this looks like
a winner. (Circuit City Listing for Sharp LC32D62U)

All Star Game Ticket Strip Info Released!

2007-03-27T10:45:00.001-07:00

Well, since I was not so nice in my previous Giants post, I will be less critical here. (Yeah, right...)

Andy, Lauren's father and the glorious benefactor of our Giant's season tickets, told me on Saturday that the team finally let him know the deal and prices for the All Star Game strip of tickets. The strip contains 4 events, The All-Star Game itself, The HomeRun Derby (Woo
Hoo!) and 2 other ~~boring~~ exciting events which I believe are a Futures Game (Rookie game) and an Old Timer's Game.

So how much for each strip?! (I played this game with Andy). I said $1000, then I think I said $750 bucks. He then assured me I was a bigger gauger than the Giants and that the team would LOVE to have me working on ticket prices. Hey, I am just basing it on recent history. But it is...$450 PER STRIP or $900 for 2 tickets.

What do you think? Expensive or sounds about right? I was thinking it wasn't too bad, but it is not exactly the surprise you feel at the price of Pampers while browsing the Target insert. Sorry, this is the kind of excitement you get when you have a child. Singles and Empty Nesters, replace Pampers with Video Games or Bath Products. Nerds, replace Pampers with Battlestar Galactica Box Set. Of course, this is just for our seat locations (lower box), so more expensive seats such as the Club Level are probably more. Hmmm, what do you think?

If you cannot get (or afford) tickets to the game, the city and the Giants are looking for volunteers to help out during All Star Week. It actually sounds kinda cool and you get to keep your All Star logo gear. Here is the info if you are interested:

The Official Site of The San Francisco Giants: Fan Forum: 2007 All-Star Game Volunteers

Finally, I am scheduled to see Ichiro and Seattle play at AT&T park in Thursday's exhibition game. Baseball is Back! Are you excited?! (crickets...) Oh, it is just me who is excited? Ugh.

Bush, Depeche Mode & Children of Men

2007-03-25T00:16:00.000-07:00

1) The House passes a bill requiring that we pull out of Iraq by 2008, Bush promises a veto. Well, we need to invent a new word that is worse than prick for this guy. So for your enjoyment, here is a video posted on YouTube of Depeche Mode's "John the Revelator" with a Bush interpretation. This is not the official video, but it is well done. (Martin Gore is a lyrical genius. Fact not Opinion.) Check it out below.

2) Children of Men is coming out on DVD this Tuesday and if you haven't seen it, Buy it or Netflix it now! Not only is this great sci-fi but more importantly it has probably the best cinematography outside of a Stanley Kubrick movie. (Yes, I LOVE Stanley Kubrick and I want to have like 10,000 of his babies. Leave me alone). I heard one of the DVD extras is a behind the scenes segment of the car sequence, in which the camera looked like it was floating inside the car. It was tense and amazing. Woo Hoo! I can't wait!

They are also releasing a HD DVD version that is also compatible with standard DVD players. Very cool for the 5 or 6 people who own a HD DVD player or have an XBox 360 and a HD DVD add-on player (That would be just my wife's brother at this point). Anyway, check out whatever version you can and let me know what you think.

3) Lastly, since I mentioned Stanley Kubrick, the movie Colour Me Kubrick started Friday and sounds quite entertaining. It is very loosely based on a true story of a con man in England who pretended to be Stanley Kubrick to get free stuff and uh...male companionship. With John Malkovich as the faux Kubrick you probably can't go wrong here. Malkovich...Malkovich, Malkovich. Oh sorry, got lost in my head. Anyway, I am sure you will all see it before me, so report back what you think.

2007: The Biggest Season in SF Giant's History

2007-02-22T09:41:00.000-08:00

Yes, it is. Accept it. The Giants definitely know it. Major League Baseball is banking on it. "Why do you say so, retard?!", you ask. Well let's get into it:

The All-Star Game at AT&T Park. This is an easy one. The biggest money gouging event for every season ticket holder and EBay auction winner in the Bay Area. This is what the team has been lobbying for since they went into hock to pay for the ballpark. Of course, the MLB owners HATE (and I don't think I capitalized HATE enough) the Giants for building the ballpark with private financing. I mean Selig throws darts at Peter McGowan's picture at his local Milwaukee watering hole on a weekly basis. I have seen it. Unfortunately, I have also seen many Giants fans lining up to drink and join in the game with him lately after the Bond's $15M+ contract. I know, too easy... But seriously, this is one of the few All Star Games that the country actually watches. But more importantly, it brings a lot of money - ahem - attention to the team hosting the game.

Barry Bonds final season and the Aaron homerun record. Another easy one. Barry Bonds will finally get that big record he needs to win over the public! Oops, that is from my Brtiney Spears post coming up! Just ignore that. But they just look SO similar lately.

Of course the world - when I say world I mean ONLY Barry Bonds fans located primarily in the San Francisco Bay Area - will be watching who most Americans believe to be the national icon for drug enhanced cheating chase, and definitely surpass, Hank Aaron's amazing 755 homerun record. "A close source" said he use performance enhancing drugs, so he must've, right? I mean San Diego Charger, Shawne Merriman, is actually CAUGHT taking steroids and he played in the Pro Bowl. Sheesh! But as for Bonds and the Giants we are talking about baseball history no matter how tainted you or I feel his numbers to be. People will be watching and MLB will celebrate it. And if Bonds is taken off the field in handcuffs for perjury, MLB will see it as a victory as well. "You see! We are cleaning up baseball!".

Offseason Pickups illustrate the beginning of the Youth Movement. Yes, in the offseason we picked up lots of young talent to guide us to a bright future. Bengie Molina, Rich Aurilia, Pedro Feliz, Ray Durham, Dave Roberts. (Non-Baseball fans - If you knew those names, you would be giggling now.) As a Giants fan, you have no doubt seen this "let's pick up some marginally good veteren players to try to make the playoffs while Barry Bonds is still around" scenario before. It is hardly the direction we expected going into this winter but, okay, here we are again. The Giants, and when I say the Giants I mean Peter Mcgowan, believe we have a pretty competitive team this year and are going to go for it (it = some kinda playoff spot will suffice). Alright. I will go along with it...until Benitez enters the 9th after the 8-inning 2-0 shutout Zito just threw.

Two Words: Barry Zito. From now on we will call him Barry $ito. You don't pay a guy $126 million unless you are showing the rest of baseball and its fans that, hey, we MEAN business. Actually the $ito signing is quite exciting. I do like the guy, except when I see pictures of him trying to be a musician. Pictures with Hillary Duff, fine. Pictures with a guitar, uh...No. Big contract + biggest Free Agent = Hopes for a big season. Proven formula. Ask my friend Will. He is a REAL scientist type guy.

Marquee Teams on the Interleague schedule. This is another example of how MLB gave the Giants a golden gift in hopes of a big payoff for both. The Giants are playing not one, but 2 of the biggest teams in the AL, the Yankees and the Red Sox. If you go to the MLB or Giants website there are vacation packages to see the Giants play in Boston and for when the Yankees play in SF. I know. I already purchased my plane tickets to Boston. (Insert your comment here. I will list 2 common responses for you: 1) "What a $*#$* tool!" or 2) "How cool! I should make my plans now too!" Anyway, throw in Toronto as well and you have a pretty solid interleague schedule this year. I wonder who Larry Baer blew to get these teams on the schedule? (sorry, Larry)

Brian Sabaen's Job is on the Line. Sadly, it is true. I like Brian Sabaen and I feel we are lucky to have him. However, this and past offseason pickups (with a few exceptions - Yes you, Omar) have been fairly lackluster and he will always be remembered for the one REALLY bad trade: Do I even have to list it? Okay let's just say the player we got rhymes with "turd-zinks-key". I really wish to state my defense of Sabaen here (Brian, my PayPal account is associated with my email address) because it is totally unfair to blame him completely for many of the transactions. The Giants management (and when I say management I mean Petey Boy) have been very involved making some of the bad decisions (meaning paying Bonds $15M+ when no one else wanted him). Unfortunately, Sabaen will be fired after this season unless the Giants make it to the World Series (and win). Ugh, with the sorry state of the bullpen right now, I am publicly starting a "farewell wreath" fund. Nothing fancy. Please send donations to said PayPal account.

By now you are saying, "Okay idiot none of this adds up to the biggest season ever" or "He makes sense!" - Thanks Lauren! However, being a self-proclaimed Giants insider, here are announcements to expect in the coming weeks to further prove my theory:

1. Famous Giants of Old all the time! I would not want to be Willie McCovey, Willie Mays, Orlando Cepeda, Juan Marichal, Mike McCormick, etc right now. They are going to wheel out those guys every chance they get. The Giants should just build a "All Star" dorm behind the Coca Cola Fan Lot so they can stay comfortably onsite when needed. Willie Mays will be greeting fans in the Plaza named in his honor almost every game. They will dunk Willie McCovey in the cove! Bad knees and all. They will probably display Jose Uribe's corpse in the club level if it will attract more fans this year. He will be holding a sign advertising the $1500 All-Star ticket strips available if you decide to purchase season tickets for the next ten years.

2. Every Friday is Fireworks Night! That is right. Who doesn't love Fireworks? Those games always sell out so why not do it all the time?! Pow, Oooh, Wow over really cheesy patriotic music in honor of the troops. Nice! Even if the team isn't playing a home game there will be fireworks over AT&T park. What's that? Of course the concessions stands will be open! That will be $40, please. Yes, we take credit cards.

3. JT Snow Shirtless Saturdays. For the ladies the reading stops here. Now that JT Snow is back with the team doing "a wide variety of duties" as the Giants say, one of his primary tasks is to be the Giants big hunk of man meat for the chicks! So at every Saturday game JT will appear throughout the ballpark and broadcast next to Kruk and Kuip with no shirt on. Imagine him absent-mindedly rubbing in coconut oil while discussing how Rich Aurilia botched a 1st base fielding play. Yummy!

4. And finally, for the menfolk: Giant's Girls! The men can't be left out. Lou is for the kids. JT for the ladies, so we get the Giant's girls! They are like the Warrior Girls but even more talented and nekkid. Lou will perform Hip Hop dance routines with Da Girls in between innings shaking his stomach fat in raunchy ways. I am picturing the big number being performed to Usher's Yeah! with LOTS of heavy thrusting. Oh, and you cannot forget the bikini calender. Yes, Lou will be in there, too. Spicy!

I, for one, am excited this year. I am not being sarcastic. I love the Giants and have been waiting since I was 7 years old to see them win a championship. I feel sorry for the older fans who have been waiting much longer. I am sorry to tell you that this doesn't look like the year. I will just be patient while Billy Beane keeps building winners across the Bay.

But hey! Either way the season turns out, we win! Colossal failure or Championship season? Who cares? Everything is BIGGER this year. Big Games! Big Names! Big All Star Game! Bigger Price Increases on Food!

On that topic, thank goodness I am not a beer drinker. They will break the $10 barrier this year I bet. My favorite hot dog, the Home Run Dog, will surely go up in price to help pay for this big mess. Jesus, it is already $6 so I assume it will be $9 or $10 this year. Come by and say hi to me while I wait in line. It is the outdoor grill on the left field side near the bleachers. I will be the person wearing the Giants hat with a really light wallet. There will be a lot of us out there but I will be the one holding a VERY cute toddler (yes, she is mine!). Hey, those $7 heat lamp fries aren't going to pay for themselves, right?

Please offer your insults or comments below. DO IT!